What would've happened if Tris lived?
by Beff Monster
Summary: Ok, so Tris lives, but what happens after that? Tobias and Tris' life together continues, but it's not nearly that simple. Read to find out! Rated high T/ low M. I wish they had a T plus rating. Anyway, enjoy! My first fanfiction, so review and tell me what you think! I love to read reviews!
1. Chapter 1

**Alrighty, so first fanfiction! Read it up!**

**Disclaimer: I _definately_ do not own Divergent or anything concerned with this story. I'm just playing around with some of Veronica Roth's amazing characters.**

**TRIS POV…..**

David shoots the gun twice. I feel a sharp pain…. everywhere, as I press the button to release the memory serum. I see hot, dark blood pool around me…

My mother. Why is my mother here? She stares at me for a long moment, but when I try to speak to her, she just pulls a finger to her lips and shakes her head. She puts her hand under my jaw and rubs a thumb underneath my eyes before she walks away, slowly disappearing.

I try to push myself up, instead collapsing back on the floor, coughing up my own blood. Where did he shoot me?

It takes a while as I writhe around on the floor in pain, but eventually I hear voices. A strong embrace picks me up. It's all I can do to keep my eyes open, to not succumb to the urge to sleep, the urge to just give up.

I'm so tired.

_So, so tired._

….

The next thing I remember I'm laying up in a bed, my hair matted and pain coursing through my entire being. I move my arm. I seem to be attached to several machines, one monitoring my pulse, the other with a number on it that I have no idea what it means. I try shifting out of my bed, letting out a strangled moan, but I find that I can't move enough for it. I just give up, but then I feel a soft touch on my leg.

I look over and see a tired figure with dark hair and deep, dark circles underneath his eyes. He looks at me. He hasn't shaved in at least a week, so it takes me a second to recognize him.

"To-?"

"You're awake," He says, relieved, bringing his hand up to my cheek. "Don't talk. Let me tell you what happened: David shot you twice, one bullet went straight through your left thigh, the other hit you in you back and went through your lung. They had to do surgery…. you almost died twice." His somber face shows all the worry he's felt over and over again.

"How long…" I manage to squeak out.

"You've been in a coma for almost three weeks. When I got back they told me you were here, and…. They weren't sure you'd…." He doesn't finish the sentence, but I know where he's going. "But I knew you would be fine." I lean over as he scoots up beside me on the cot, picking me up with even more ease than usual to sit me in his lap. I've lost a considerable amount of weight, but so has he.

"When you get better, we're going to live in an apartment in here, we're going to live in peace, and all of this is going to be over."

I smile shyly, not completely sure that his promise is legit, but I don't argue with him and snuggle my head against his chest.

The next time I wake up my lungs are burning and my head is swimming. I feel a warm spot in the cot where Tobias got up not long ago. I hear the shower going from the open door about ten feet away. My room has a bathroom adjoined to it.

I don't have to wait long before I see Tobias walking out of the bathroom with a towel slung over his longer hair. He still hasn't shaved.

Tobias looks over to me and smiles warmly. "You're up, huh?" He rubs his six o'clock shadow. "What do you think? Should I keep a beard?"

I give Tobias a look. He laughs and raises his palms up. "Okay, okay, I'll go shave." With that, he turns and walks back into the bathroom. I can hear an electric razor buzzing a moment later.

Frankly, I'm tired of being dirty, and I haven't showered in I don't know how long. But I can't really do anything about it. Not right now at least.

A few minutes later I see him come back out, looking a lot more like himself. I smile warmly at him and beckon him over. I kiss him passionately when he gets here, my hand tangled in his collar. He kisses me back equally as passionate, letting me feel every crevice and movement of his lips with mine. I missed this.

I missed him.

I haven't really paid any attention to my stomach or bladder, really, since I was in a coma and because I guess the machines were controlling that for me, but a few hours later I notice that I really have to pee… really. I manage to say a few words to Tobias, who is sitting in a chair beside my bed and flipping through cartoons on the small T.V. bolted into the wall.

"Tobias…." My weak voice rasps. He turns to me with raised eyebrows.

"Hmm? What's wrong, Tris?"

"I… I really have to pee," I whisper. I watch his mouth turn up in a smile. He then nods, pressing a red button beside my cot.

"Well, we have to get a nurse here for that. To get all of your tubes separated and what- not," He says, gently tugging on a cord sticking out from my forearm.

I count the minutes it takes for the nurse to get here. I'm about to start getting ill when five minutes comes around and she opens the door gently. "Beatrice Prior?" The nurse is probably younger, in her late twenties maybe, with dark, wavy brown hair and fair skin.

I cringe at my name, but otherwise nod.

"You feeling okay?" she asks me casually, grabbing my chart out of a slot in the door. I shrug at her.

Tobias helps me since I can't really talk without being in awful pain. "She said she has to, you know… go. But since all of her tubes are connected to these machines, I'm not sure what to do, really."

The nurse smiles. "Well that's good, that means you body's beginning to heal itself." She detaches me from the machines in a few deft movements. Then she grabs my hands helps me to my feet. She seems to be well- trained and professional. I grab onto her when I stand, as my legs aren't very strong. When I do get my footing, I look down and see that I'm covered in only a shirt; one of Tobias's black shirts- and a pair of underwear. Well, there goes my dignity.

After I go to the bathroom, I look in the mirror. My eyes are dull and bloodshot, and my hair is a knotted, greasy matt. I take a strand between my index and middle finger and cringe. My hair hasn't been this bad since I was trapped in the Erudite headquarters.

"Shower…." I whisper, walking carefully over to a small shower next to the wall. The nurse nods at me.

"Make sure you use the handrail if you need it," she says as she walks out of the room. Tobias fills her place.

"You need some help?" Tobias says, sticking his head inside the door. "I mean, I can help you shower, if you want me to. And get you out of those clo-"

I silence Tobias with a look, although I let the corners of my mouth quirk up. I hear him laughing outside the bathroom door, and although I hate it, I have to call him back to help me undress. My muscles just won't work quite right, and when I move wrong, pain shoots up my whole body. But he helps me without commenting, and when I'm fully undressed, he leans down to whisper in my ear, "Beautiful," and kisses me on the lips softly. I can't help but smile back at him. Then he leaves me to shower in peace.

The shower feels so good. I don't take long showers, but I make sure I clean myself fully today. I notice that I can see my ribs much more easily now, and my muscles aren't as healthy as they were before. There is also a stitched oval on either side of my left thigh, looking slightly red and puffy. Tobias says that a bullet went straight through my leg there, but missed the bone. The worst wound is on the skin right outside my lung, right underneath my left breast. I think that's where they did surgery to get the bullet out. It throbs underneath the hot water and sends shooting pains through my entire being when I touch it. But I'm not really worried about it now. I'll get stronger, healthier. It'll just take time. Everything finally seems to be looking up now. _Everything finally seems to be looking up now…_


	2. Chapter 2

**I DO NOT OWN DIVERGENT**

**TRIS POV…...**

The next few days and weeks are monotonous. I try to eat as much as I get on my plate, three times a day. Tobias coaxes it into me if I refuse. Tobias has been amazing these past few weeks. He's almost always here with me, and the only time he's not here is if I'm asleep.

After the nurse dubs me well enough for company, I start to see people pepper my room from time to time. Matthew comes in once or twice- turns out that he was the one that picked me up after I got shot. Zeek and Shauna come in once. I start to grow uneasy a few weeks laterabout Christina not coming to see me. But eventually she comes, but when she does, she comes full out.

Tobias is laying on the cot with me, my head is resting on his chest and his arm is lying over my back. I now lie in that in- between land between asleep and awake, when the door creaks open. I feel the muscles in Tobias's chest tighten as he looks to see who it is. He smiles a muted smile and beckons whoever it is to come on in.

I hear footsteps echo on the cold tile floor as Tobias straightens up into a sitting position, easily arranging me so that I'll sit against him, nestled underneath his arm.

An easy, smooth voice breaks the silence. "Hey guys, you doing okay?" Her voice is quiet, barely a whisper, and gets closer to Tobias's side of the cot.

"She's better," Tobias says plainly to her, running his hand through my light blonde hair. "Hey, Tris, Christina's here to see you. You feel like it?"

My eyes flutter for a moment as I assess the situation. Sleep is so nice… but it's Christina, I have to speak to her.

I cringe as I sit up straight, but otherwise smile. Tobias's arm wraps protectively over my shoulders.

"Hey Christina," I say as I yawn, smiling wider at her, "I'm glad you came." My voice is still a little hoarse, and it still hurts when I talk, but it's bearable for short amounts of time.

Suddenly Christina runs over to me and wraps her arms around me snugly. I can tell she's trying to be gentle, but her hand grazes the impact wound outside my lung, and I squeak "Careful," when she does. She recoils back enough to look me into the eye.

"Sorry," she says, smiling shyly, and goes back to hug me again, a little more gently this time. I can see Tobias's warm smile out of the corner of my eye.

"My God, I was worried about you," she says when she finally releases me, sitting close to me on the edge of the bed. "First, you almost die twice, then you're in a coma for three weeks. I think that was your ninth life, kitty, you need to take it easy from now on." She laughs at her cat reference and I do too. After the giggles subside, she looks at me seriously. "So, how do you really feel? Don't try lying to me. I know you can hide it from Four, but not me. I come from Candor, remember?"

Underneath all of the humor coming from Christina, I can tell that she's actually really worried about me. I've put everyone I love through a lot for the past few months. Ever since the war started, actually.

"I… I feel better," I say to Christina hopefully, and she raises her eyebrows at me, "But, I mean, I consider myself pretty lucky to not be lying in a hole somewhere right now, you know?" I look down at my black shirt. "I know just how close I got, because…I.." I pause, "…. I saw my mother," I say, barely a whisper. I see both Tobias's and Christina's agape expression. "She was really there, guys, but she wouldn't talk to me. She almost had to take me, I think," I say, tears beginning to cloud my vision. I cough suddenly, trying to dislodge the lump in my throat. "But I'm okay. I'm actually feeling much better than when I first woke up."

Christina pauses a moment before speaking again, seeming to choose her words carefully, but she still can't seem to mask her Candor attitude. "I'm glad you didn't die."

"Me too," Tobias chimes in, giving me a light kiss on the forehead.

"I am too." I pause, "Aww guys, c'mon, don't give me that look. I'm going to live." I give them a slight chuckle, and the mood seems to lighten a little.

"Oh yeah!" Christina suddenly chirps, making me jump a little. "I almost forgot. I got you two something." She reaches down beside the cot and brings up a basket. "Okay, so I got you guys a gift basket," she says, rearranging herself on the bed to a more comfortable position. There is a little teddybear with all kinds of tattoos on it's arm. On it's belly, there is a large dauntless symbol stitched in black on it's clean white fur. All around the bear are snacks, like chips and sodas and candies. Christina kinda laughs. "I know that we're not officially in dauntless anymore, but I saw this and it just reminded me of you two," She says, blushing slightly.

I take the teddy bear out of the basket. "Aww! It's so cute! Thank you Christina," I say, smiling at her again.

"No problem," she says, smiling a toothy grin at me. "If you need anything…." she says, beginning to walk out the door, "I still sleep in the dorm in the hotel. Sleep tight you love bugs!"

I wave goodbye to her, immediately snuggling back up to Tobias when she leaves. It's amazing just how much a regular conversation can take out of me. I feel Tobias give me a soft kiss on top of my head, then sit me in his lap so I can feel more comfortable against him.

"I love you," he says softly, right next to my ear.

"I love you… too," I say against him, already halfway gone.

In a few weeks they start to rehabilitate me. Well, If you could call walking around the hospital wing rehabilitation. They don't let me walk unless they walk me personally- otherwise I have to be in a wheelchair. Either way, Tobias still won't leave my side, even after I assure him that I'm fine alone for a while, if he wants to get a breather. But he still refuses. He wants to make sure "I'm safe." I'm bet he'd be content to be stitched to my side at this point.

I go to see Christina in the dorm one night, unable to sleep. Tobias comes with me, insisting that he can't sleep as well, but I see the dark circles under his eyes.

I forgot the route to the hotel section of the compound, but Tobias hasn't, apparently, guiding me swiftly by the handles of my wheelchair. The memories flood me as we stroll into the lobby, up the elevator. As we walk down the hallway that the dorm lies in, I look down the hallway- the hallway that still houses the sparse room where Tobias and I first made love. I smile shyly and blush as he rolls me towards the dorm.

"What is it?" Tobias says, seeing my loudly- blushing face.

"Nothing," I say, chuckling. He doesn't argue with me, but I can guess he's thinking the same, his eyes traveling down the same hallway that mine did. I hear him chuckle softly.

Tobias gently turns the knob to the door, pushes my wheelchair inside slowly. I see Christina on a bed near the door, a book perched in her hands. I rap on the door with my knuckles twice. "Can we come in?" I ask. Her head immediately snaps up and she looks at us.

"Well, well, look who's out of the bed today?" she says, raising her eyebrows at us as she closes her book. "You look… better."

"Oh, stop lying. I'm as pale as a sheet and I've lost fifteen pounds. I look pitiful, at best."

"Okay, okay. You do look weak, but," she says when Tobias gives her a look, "You look better."

"Thanks," I sigh, wheeling myself over to her, "They still won't let me walk yet, though. I'm not physically fit enough," I say, rolling my eyes. "And my rottweiler over here doesn't want me to go anywhere alone," I say, pointing my thumb to Tobias, who chuckles.

"Your rottweiler's protecting you," he says, still giggling. I stick my tongue out at him playfully.

"I'm glad you can finally move around, though," Christina says, smiling down at me.

"Yeah, me too, I don't know how much longer I'd be able to handle that hospital room," I say, looking around. "Hey… have you seen Uriah? I haven't seen him since I woke up, I thought he'd come and see me after he got out of the hospital himself."

Christina looks at the ground for a minute before she looks me in the eye. "Tris… he.."

"He... died?" I ask, my mouth agape. I was sure he was going to make it. She just nods at me and I curse under my breath. I press a hand to my face and shake my head. "Well… he's in a better place, I think," I say, and Christina and Tobias nod quietly.

"Dang… I keep bringing you guys down, don't I?" I say, frowning. Christina forces a smile at me and shakes her head.

"Nah," she waves me off. "No one told you, it's not your fault." She's silent for a moment. "Hey!" she says, snapping her fingers and changing the subject abruptly. "I've been meaning to ask you if you guys want to come with me outside the compound in a week or two? We're supposed to be going to visit the city again, to check up on everything. I mean, you don't have to," she says when she sees Tobias's worried expression. "Just… thought you might want to get out, ya know?"

"I'd love to," I tell her. "You'd love to?" I say pleadingly towards Tobias. He just sighs and shakes his head.

"You know I can't win against you," he says, sighing. "But It all depends on how well you feel."

"I'm coming," I whisper to Christina, who smiles back at me warmly.

….

The next two weeks go by way too slowly. Tobias seems to be checking every inch of my being for faults, to have an excuse to make me stay here. I sleep a lot now, more than usual, probably because I'm trying my best to become more stable, more able to handle myself. It's as I'm lying in his arms, listening to his heartbeat, that I start to talk to him.

"Tobias?"

"Yeah?" he says, pushing a lock of hair from my eyes.

"What was it like… when I was in a coma?"

His eyes glaze over for a second. "Hmm… It was rough. I kept looking at you and you looked so tired and pale and… so unlike you. And the doctors kept saying you would wake up. That you were doing better. But I didn't believe them, because you looked worse every day. I was losing my mind," he says quietly, "And I was afraid I was losing you." He looks at me, tears making his eyes glisten. I hear him gulp. "You're my whole world." He sits up and pulls me into his lap, cradling my face in his palms. He leans in and quietly, softly, kisses me. Kisses me on my lips, my cheek, my neck. I wrap my arms around his neck and just let him. So this is why he's been stuck to me for these weeks. It's because he's so scared of losing me.

"It's okay," I croon to him, with my legs on either side of him, despite my pulse throbbing in my left thigh. "You're not losing me. Not ever." I slide my hands beneath his shirt, feeling his warm, tempered muscles. He slides his hands just under the hem of my shirt, feeling my bare hips with his hands, his thumbs just below the waistband of my pants. He stares at me for a long time, his eyes seem to be searching mine for some answer. His dark eyebrows are knotted together in a scowl. I offer him a slight smile, then reach at the hem of his shirt to pull it over his head. He pauses, then seems to make a decision. His hand reaches up my back, aiming for the clasp of my bra, but instead it grazes over the gaping bullet wound and I can't help but yelp into his shoulder. I curse under my breath as he pulls me back.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Tris. Did I hurt y-?"

"I'm alright," I interrupt him, ashamed. I don't look at him and feel my cheeks flush. "I'm sorry I couldn't… I mean, my body is just so…" Fragile. Unprepared. Scared. The right words won't come out.

"No, no," he says as he lays down on the pillow, positioning me across from him so he can look me in the eye. "I'm selfish. I shouldn't have tried to do that. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you like that.." He wraps his arms snugly around me, careful of my wound this time. Then he whispers in my ear, barely audible, even to me. "I don't need sex to have you." He seems ashamed. I nod against his chest, but my heart throbs. I want him just as badly as he does me. My body just refuses.


	3. Chapter 3

**I DO NOT OWN DIVERGENT**

**TRIS POV….**

"Okay, that should be about it," I say, just finishing packing the last of our clothing for the trip. Basically, we brought everything, but we don't own much, so that's not saying anything.

"Hmmm…. Mmhmm.." he says, rubbing his slight shadow of a beard. The doctors told me I could go back to the city tomorrow, but only if Tobias allows, so he's scrutinizing every detail I make. He sighs. "I can't complain, I guess, can I?" he says, a faint smile on his lips.

"Nope," I say matter- of- factly, grinning proudly at him. I hoist the black duffle bag up to him, and he takes it with ease. He adds a few of his personal things, like a razor and some shaving cream, but otherwise he agrees that we're all set. This is good. I'm getting so tired of this hospital room, the same five channels that show on the television all day.

I smile. "So this is our last night in this awful place, huh?"

"Yep," he agrees. "They told us that we could live in whatever hotel room we wanted to when we got back."

"That sounds amazing," I say, wrapping one of my arms around his waist. I then lean up on tiptoe and give him a small peck on the lips that he returns gently. I would've never thought, in my wildest dreams, that when I met a mean, stubborn Dauntless trainer named Four, that he would be like this. So sweet and kind, yet with a fiery passion burning behind his eyes. I love that.

….

"Woohoo!" I yell, raising my arms above my head and cringing when my ribcage protests. Christina laughs at me, her black hair waving in the wind.

"You need to take it easy, Tris," she says as she pokes me in the shoulder.

"Oh, I know, I know, that's all I've heard since I woke up from the coma," I laugh with her. Tobias sits on the other side of me, his eyes far away and glazed over.

"Hey," I say as I push my hand through his hair, "You okay, Tobias?"

"Hmm?" He clears his throat. "Oh yeah, I'm fine. I'm just wondering what the city looks like now.."

"It looks almost exactly the same as it did before," Christina shrugs, "A few less broken buildings, they're working on rebuilding the city. The gate's always open. No more factions." I raise my eyebrows at her. "What? I went back a few times, of course. While you were knocked out. My family still lives there after all." She tugs on a strand of my hair. "Crazy adolescent."

I stick my tongue out at her and we all end up laughing.

When it gets dark, the driver decides that we'd better set up camp for the night. Neither Tobias nor Christina let me do any lifting, although both of my wounds are wrapped up tightly under my shirt and pants. The doctors made sure of that. But all I can do is sigh and watch as they set up the tents and make a fire beside the truck. We all sit around in a circle around the fire and share cans of food, like the factionless do, except I eat most of the can of peaches that I'm handed before I even think about it.

"This food is so much better than the hospital's," I say with a full mouth, shoveling another spoonful in.

"Eat it," Christina says, "You need it more than we do, skinny."

I just nod and stuff the peaches into my mouth, hardly satisfied when it's empty.

I end up falling asleep against Tobias right in the middle of conversation a few hours later. He just picks me up and cradles my head against his chest, like he's done so many times. I faintly hear Christina over to my right, just before I fall asleep.

"I think you're good for her," she says, "And her for you, definitely…" She takes a deep breath. "Well, I think I'm gonna hit it for the night. Take it easy, okay?"

I feel Tobias nod against my hair. "Goodnight, Christina," he says warmly after her.

Tobias just stares at the stars in the ebony- black sky for a while, but he eventually gets tired and gets up, trying not to disturb my light sleep. He opens the tent gently and turns off the small lamp that lights the inside. He gets me inside a sleeping bag first, being careful of my sore muscles, then he slips into one himself, setting a blanket over us both. He positions us so that my back is right against his stomach. He wraps both of his arms around me, his warmth engulfing me. He kisses the nape of my neck as he snuggles up behind me.

"I love you," he says, burying his nose into my hair.

"I know," I manage to mumble in reply, intertwining my fingers with his.

…..

I allow myself to wake up slowly. I run my fingers through my hair and stretch my arms and legs, despite the protest that screams through my body when I do. I turn over to feel for the empty spot that I know will be there, like it always is, but I stop short when I feel a cloth shirt and a body laying not a foot away from me. I open my eyes and find his staring directly into mine.

"Well, good morning," he says.

"Morning."

"How do you feel?" He says, his eyes clouding with worry for a moment.

"I'm fine, Tobias," I say, chuckling lightly. "A little sore, but fine."

He stares into my eyes for a while before my answer seems to please him. He nods and kisses me on the forehead, then unzips his sleeping bag and stands up slowly, running his fingers through his hair. I stand up right after him, following him outside. When I manage to blink the sun from my eyes I see Christina packing up her stuff alongside the driver to put back in the truck. We don't have much longer to drive, maybe until early afternoon.

I look over at Tobias. "Let me help you pack everything up," I say. Although my wounds still hurt sometimes, I'm perfectly able to back up a tent.

He sighs. "Okay," he murmurs with a shrug. He seems to have more faith in me, although I'm not sure why.

When we all get piled back in the truck, then Tobias hands out some kind of biscuits for breakfast. I smile and accept mine eagerly, moaning with pleasure when I take a bite. Everyone looks at me with raised eyebrows.

"You have no idea," I say to them, shoveling the rest of the food into my mouth.

The closer we get to the city, the more you can feel the tension growing in the car. I know it's not coming from Christina: she's been here before. It's coming from Tobias and I. Honestly, I don't know what I'm worried about; it's not like I have to meet anyone that I don't like. I can understand why Tobias is nervous. His Mom, Evelyn, still works here, still controls many of the duties of running a city. I hear that she comes back and forth between the compound and city as she needs to. And I can understand why that makes Tobias uneasy. Even though I think he made up with his mom, things are still a bit tense between them. I don't know if they ever won't be, Evelyn put Tobias through a lot, and the scars follow him every day.

"Hey," I say as we get within sight of the fence, "This is gonna be good." I rest one of my hands on Tobias's hand, and he looks at me for a long time before letting out a deep sigh from a breath he was holding in.

"I hope so," is all he says, squeezing my hand gently in his.

The driver drives straight through the gate, running over the tire tracks in the dusty soil. The patches of grass that are here are yellow and short from all the trucks that have run across here- apparently Christina was right when she said that the city was undergoing change.

I look out the window and see the ferris wheel, and can't help but smirking at Tobias. I lean up and whisper in his ear, "You remember about the ferris wheel?"

He gives me almost a giggle. "Of course. How could I forget?"

"You wanna go back up?"

"No," he states plainly and seriously, making me laugh out loud at him.

"Thought I'd get that answer."

I look over to my left just to catch Christina making gagging sounds to mock Tobias and I. I smirk ruefully at her, and we both laugh.

The driver stops us off right next to where Dauntless headquarters without a word, then gets out and just walks away. I guess he has other things to do.

I look over at Tobias, then focus my look at our surroundings. The fear landscape, the Pire. The class ceiling over the pit. I shake my head, trying to remove all of the bad memories that mingle with the good ones. Too many bad memories.

"Hey," Tobias says softly, gently, "You want to take the train and go look around town?" I nod and immediately we start running over to the train tracks. I'm glad now that they wrapped up my wounds, or I'd be in serious pain as I run over the uneven ground. But I can't complain, that'd be wrong. Just being with him right now is enough for me.


	4. Chapter 4

**I DO NOT OWN DIVERGENT**

**TOBIAS POV…**

We get to the train tracks before I even think about Tris running all this way. I know that she won't complain about it, she never does, but I don't want to hurt her. I look over and see her touch a hand to her ribs gently, letting out a pained breath. But she immediately straightens up when she sees me looking at her. I knit my eyebrows down at her.

"Do you want me to help you get on the train? I know your ribs must be-"

"Tobias," she says firmly, resting a hand on her hip, "I'm a big girl."

"I know you are," I say as I chuckle softly at her. She's never going to change. But I still have to keep an eye on her.

When the train comes by we start running side by side. I let her get in before me just so I can make sure she manages. Then I grab the rail and throw myself in, landing unceremoniously on my side. It's been a while. She looks down at me with a smirk on her lips. "Unpracticed, huh?"

I nod at her, pushing myself to my feet. When I stand up to her I clutch my hands gently to her hips, pressing myself flush against her. Her hands slide up my shirt to feel of my tattooed skin, and I can't help but smile as the wind tosses her hair against my face when we kiss.

We jump off the train together at the Abnegation sector, and although Tris has a little trouble, she does well. We walk down the monotonous streets, looking at the monotonous houses that all look exactly the same, two stories high, with a concrete base on the bottom of all of them. We walk past my house, past the front yard with the simple mailbox. I look inside and frown when it looks occupied, a lamp light glowing warmly in the window. Actually, most of these houses are occupied now, but some have decorated them how they want. I just shrug and remember that we're not supposed to live here anyway. We're gonna go back to the compound soon. And there are too many bad memories in that house, anyway. I look down to where my arm is around Tris' shoulders. She's looking at me with a worried expression on her face. All I do is force a smile at her as I say, "Where to next?"

TRIS POV…..

We meet up with Christina back at the Dauntless compound, apparently it's turned into some kind of apartment place. I'm surprised when I see little kids running around, dressed in black and white and red and blue and yellow and any of the mixture. The pit has such a…. happier vibe now. Over by the chasm there is a warning sign. I read it.

WARNING. DO NOT CROSS.

Then, in small print at the bottom.

Remember, there is a fine line between bravery and idiocy. ~Dauntless

It's obvious that the small print has been written by a former dauntless that didn't quite want to let this place go. That makes me smile. But at the same time, I remember almost dying here, Peter bracing my back against the rail….

Tris, stop.

I pull myself away from the chasm. As Tobias, Christina, and I walk through the tunnels, all my memories come flooding back. In the cafeteria, where so many good memories were made, and as we walk by Tobias' apartment… Through the training room, past the dormitories…. The dormitory… No, Tris. Good memories.

I jump as Tobias lies an arm across my shoulders. I wrap my arm around his waist. We don't say a word. But we know all too well that the memories are jarring both of us right now.

"Hey," I say, snapping us all out of our daze. "Christina, why did you even bring us here?"

"Oh yeah," she says, rubbing the back of her neck. "My family lives here now. Who would've guessed, right? And they insisted that I bring you two over for dinner… I didn't tell you?"

I shake my head, no. Her mind must've been somewhere else, too.

"Sorry…." she turns back around. "So yeah." We walk a little bit further to the apartment section of the place, a section that I seldom went when I was here. We go up the elevator for a while, and come at a solid wooden door. Christina raps on the door several times, and it opens slowly to an older lady, maybe in her late fifties, and a younger daughter, early teens. The lady perks up. "Oh, hey Christina! And friends," she bows slightly. "I made dinner for you. It's almost cold… oh well, it'll be okay, I know how you guys are, getting sidetracked and all." she opens the door to a neatly made kitchen with a large table placed across the room from us. To our right is a small living room and a couple bedrooms. I smile. That's right, life does still go on.

The dinner's good. Christina's mom makes some kind of fish and honestly it's the best food I've had in like… months. Years. Millenia. I don't even know, I just know that I eat until I hate myself.

Surprisingly, I manage to not fall asleep at the table. Christina insists we take the spare bedroom, even though I tell her we don't want to be a burden.

"Oh, shut up and just take the room, Stiff," she said with a playful jab to my shoulder. I rolled my eyes and ended up agreeing with her.

It takes me a while to go to sleep, snuggled up next to Tobias' chest. I sigh, knowing that if I don't let the words off my tongue, they'll haunt me all night.

"Tobias?"

"Yeah?" he says, running his hands through my hair, resting them under my jaw.

"C.. can you see us having a house like this one day?"

"Well, I think-"

"With children?"

His deep, dark blue eyes stare into mine for a long minute, widening. Then a warm smile comes onto his lips. "You want kids?"

"I…. With you, I do." I really, honestly do want kids with him. I've thought about it before. What I don't tell him is that the thought both exhilarates and scares me to death at the same time.

"I think I can see it happening," he says, kissing my forehead. "Only when you're ready, though."

I smile into the warm flesh underneath his chin. "Of course."

TOBIAS POV….

I know I don't go to sleep for half the night, and when I do, dreams of my father beating me surfaces my thoughts. Then, dreams of me beating my own children… I wake up more than once, beads of sweat covering my forehead. After a while I give up and focus on my thoughts and Tris' breathing.

Kids... She.. wants kids? The very thought scares me, but I couldn't tell her that. And the look in her eyes told me that she's thought about this before. I don't know how much. I'm not ready for kids. It's not that I don't want them, it's just that I've always feared that I'll be like my father. I refuse to be like him. I refuse. And I don't know… I'm not that patient, and…. it just scares me, okay? But if I can't give her kids right now, if I'm not ready for that….. the least I can do is give her a proper house. A proper home. Deep down, I know that we'd never be happy in a hotel room in the compound. She wants so much more than that, but I know she'd never tell me. She's not a whiny person. And for that I'm glad. But for the next couple days that we're in the city, I keep my eyes peeled for one. Not too big, not too small. Simple enough. And not too close to anyone else, she enjoys her privacy. Honestly, so do I.

I've given up as we ride back to the compound. I'm not mad, just upset that I can't do anything more for her. I listen idly to her and Christina's conversation as we drive through the field, close to the fence. Past the fence, to the in- between land between the fence and the old amity orchard. That's when I see it. I nearly choke when I see an old, small building with the land trying to reclaim it.

"Driver!" I say, "Stop please!"

The driver slams on the breaks, and Tris and Christina's conversation comes to a stand- still.

"What is it, Tobias?" Tris asks worriedly, "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine!" I say, shaking my head. "I just have to see something. Come look!"

I manage to calm down some when I get out of the truck, but still jog over to the old building, close to a small thicket of trees to our left.

"Tris!" I say when we get to the sturdy house made of what looks like rock and some cement kind of material. There's a small chimney and a few steps leading up to the doorway. It's obviously been abandoned for a long, long time, the inside musty and stale- smelling. But still, this is it. I can feel it.

"What?" she says, dumbfounded.

"Tris, this is the house. This is our home. Can you feel it?"

She pauses. "Oh my God. Are you serious?" There is a wistful smile playing on her lips.

"When am I not?" I say.

I can't help but laugh out loud, raking my hands through my hair. I can't believe I found it. It's a fixer- upper, granted, but I love it. I love it so much already. And, I don't know, maybe the thought of kids won't be so unbearable here.


	5. Chapter 5

**DIVERGENT? I DO NOT OWN IT.**

**TOBIAS POV….**

We go back to the compound anyway, because we need to let them know that we will no longer be residing there. Everyone seems happy for us, happy that we're moving on. Especially Christina. She hugs Tris and starts jumping up and down in a manner that I've never seen Tris do before. Tris just laughs at her best friend and assures her that we're still staying here for the night, and that we will definitely need her help moving in. When the papers are signed at the check- in, we begin to gather the few belongings that we left into our old hospital room. Then we move back to the hotel room where Christina sleeps for the night.

"I can't believe you two are doing this," she says as she plops down on her cot, laying her head on her knees. "That means I have to move too. I'm gonna be all alone!" Her words are serious but her tone isn't. She's obviously happy for us.

"You can stay with us for a while, if you want. While you find yourself an apartment or something," Tris says, and I don't argue with her. I don't mind Christina being with us at all for a while.

"Are you serious?" she says at her with wide eyes. "You don't mind? Like, I wouldn't be a burden or-"

"Oh, Christina, just shut up already," Tris says playfully, laughing at her. "You're my sister." I nod consent to Christina, who looks at me for reassurance.

It's quiet for a moment. Then Christina nods her head in assent. "It's settled, then."

…..

The next few weeks are hectic. Between gathering spare articles of furniture and cleaning up the house, which was awfully dirty, I'm busy all the time.

It turns out that the house has a soft blue carpet in the living room. Tris especially likes it. We set up a small, blue couch that I bought, close to the fireplace. Christina brings a small cable television into the room one day, and although Tris insists that we don't need it, she says that she already bought it and to just shut up and take the housewarming gift. I laugh at how blunt and still Candor- like Christina is.

Tris handles most of the kitchen appliances. Forks and a table and chairs, a toaster and a fridge, that she insists she got on sale.

It takes us nearly two months to get the place set up, to get a washer and dryer placed in a petite room that I didn't see any other use for. And Tris planted a few flowers outside the house to 'Warm it up some'. I just smile and let her do whatever she wants to. I did get this place for her, after all.

…

TOBIAS POV…

I plop down on the sofa. "Done," I breathe, wiping my face on my black shirt. I still think I look better in black.

"Woo," Tris says, dropping down beside me. "Yep, it's finally clean. I think."

I see Christina sit down in front of us on the soft blue carpet, her brow and black tank top drenched in sweat. "I would gladly eat off any of these floors."

I see Tris nod her head slowly. "Oh yeah," she says, leaning over onto my shoulder.

**TRIS POV…**

The new house is amazing. Simply amazing. My favorite part, though, has to be the upstairs. You go up the stairs and there is just a huge open space, a huge attic. The glossy oak floors creak when you walk on them, but that doesn't really matter. The view from the window on the far side is amazing, it overlooks a huge field of dusty brown, straw- like grass. Early in the morning, you can see deer all over it, and I like to just stare at them sometimes. It clears my head.

My wounds are healing up pretty well by now. The gaping holes are now reduced to scabbed- over wounds, and they seldom hurt anymore. I've stopped wrapping them up. The one on my thigh is almost well. I don't think that Tobias understands that, though. He still treats me like I'm supposed to be in the hospital. He doesn't say anything because he knows that I'll snap at him, but the look he gives me when he worries is on his face all the time. I resolve to prove to him that I'm not a sickly little girl anymore.

Christina leaves a couple weeks later.

"Guys!" she says, busting in the door with a large piece of paper in her hands. "I got my own apartment!" She waves the paper in the air like it's her banner.

"Oh my gosh!" I say in mock amusement. "Now you can finally leave us alone!" she punches me in the shoulder playfully and I laugh. "You know I'm just kidding, girl," I say, smiling at her. "I'm glad you can finally be on your feet."

Christina gives me a devilish smile. "Oh, I know you don't care if I'm here…. except for the fact that _you_ and _Tobias_ want to be _alone_."

I can't help but blush at Christina's comment. "Well…. kinda," I say. "I'm just tired of him treating me like I'm made of glass, you know what I mean? Ever since I've been in the hospital."

"Well, just tell him that you feel better and there's no need to worry," she says casually.

"It's not that simple."

"If it's not simple to tell him, then show him," she counters.

I smirk at Christina as our conversation is abruptly stopped when Tobias walks into the room. I hug her. "Good luck, sis." I whisper in her ear. "Thanks for the advice, too." She walks out of the door, down the steps, and waves a hand at us before she whoops and starts running to the train that's passing by. She throws herself in a car and is out of our sight.

….

It's late when Tobias finally plops down on the couch, in front of the fire. I sit in his lap as I press a firm kiss to his lips. He answers me with raised eyebrows.

"Tris? What's all this for?" There's a whisper of a smile on his lips.

"All this?" I say. "I was just kissing you."

"But you were implying a lot more. Tris, are you sure? I mean, I don't want to hurt you-"

"Tobias," I say in a gentler tone. "I'm not hurt anymore... I'm basically healed. Why do you worry about me so much?"

"I just want to protect you, after everything that happened."

I sigh. "Tobias, before I was shot, you were confident that I could protect myself, that I was able to uphold myself. What's happened?"

"I almost lost you, that's what happened." His deep, dark blue eyes are serious, almost scared.

"You know that that time is over, Tobias. There's peace, now. I doubt I'll ever hold a gun or be shot at again. And if you insist on protecting me, why do you have to protect me from yourself?" My eyes search his.

He lets out a deep breath, and his eyes flick away from mine. "Because, in the hospital room.. I hurt you there."

"Tobias, I'm not wounded anymore…" All I can hear in my head is _"If it's not simple to tell him, then show him."_, as I pull my shirt over my head. Tobias' eyes widen as they meet the wound over my ribs, his face slightly blushes. His hand raises to touch the scab, and I don't flinch when he does it, although I know he expects me to. His hand then gently reaches around to my back to feel of the entry wound.

"It doesn't hurt anymore?"

"That's what I've been trying to tell you all this time," I say to him, exasperated. I let a small smile creep onto my face.

His eyes stare away from me for a few seconds. "Are you sure?" he asks me, his eyes locking with mine finally. They're serious and as hard as flint.

"Yes," I whisper to him, and a smile creeps upon his face. I've always loved his smile. He leans forward slowly to fit his lips in mine. And I love the way his lips fit in mine, swaying and bending in rhythm. He slips his t- shirt over his shoulders and I unbutton his jeans quickly. And this time, as he reaches up to undo the clasp of my bra, nothing stops him.


	6. Chapter 6

**OWN DIVERGENT I DO NOT, YODA**

**TOBIAS POV…..**

Tris and I learn early on that we need to get jobs. The compound only gave us enough money to get started, and right now, frankly, we're broke.

One day I walk into the kitchen with a newspaper and a ten dollar bill. I rake my hands through my long hair and over the circles under my eyes. I need a haircut, but again, that costs money.

"This is all we've got," I say, waving the ten in the air.

"Hmmm…" Tris says, thoughtful. She lets out a small laugh when she looks at me. "Why are you so worried? There are plenty of jobs in and out of the city." She rests her hand over mine. "No need to worry."

This is just one of the many qualities of Tris that I love. She knows just when to worry. I usually do, too, but I've been kinda off for the past few days.

"But where could we find jobs?" I ask her, my eyebrows raised.

"Well, Christina got a job a few days ago at the Amity orchard, that's not too far from here. We could work there?" I shake my head at her. I never have liked the Amity compound, and working there just seems impossible.

"That's what I thought you'd say," she says, cupping a hand over her mouth. "I was thinking we could look at the newspaper," she mutters, taking the paper from my hand, "and then split up and look for some open jobs tomorrow. What do you think?" Her expression is loose, her eyebrows raised. I sit down at the coffee table and sigh, shrugging and looking up at her. I force a smile onto my lips.

"Alrighty."

The next day we set out early into the city. I pack a lunch for both of us, hoping for us to get together at lunch for a date. I was particularly interested in a construction job in the city, close to the old Dauntless compound. It seems that everyone's remaking the old, torn down buildings everywhere now, since the city's population is growing with people from the fringe. I split up with Tris quickly. She heads off deeper into the city, but I don't have the slightest idea why or for what job, but I don't question her. She can handle herself.

All of the men at the construction site look at me with wide eyes and frowning lips, and I just awkwardly raise my hands and wave at them. They don't return the gesture.

I meet a large, muscular man, a hair taller than myself with a yellow hardhat on.

"Um… hello," I say, using my deep voice. "Are you hiring here?"

"Depends…" he says. "You want a job?"

_No, idiot, I came here for my health._ "Yes, sir, I would like a job."

"Hmm.." He circles around me for a minute, sizing me up. "You seem fit enough. When can you start?"

"Whenever you want me to, sir," I mutter. I don't like this man.

"You start three days from now. The pay is fifteen an hour." He reaches out his hand to shake mine. I shake it firmly, a whisper of a smile on my face. "Thank you."

With that I walk away, keeping my shoulders square, but not looking anyone that stares at me in the eye. I could beat every one of these idiots into the dirt if I wanted to. They think they're so big just because they can…. oh, stop it Tobias.

I meet up with Tris at the park. She finds me a couple hours later. There is a lovely smile on her face.

"Job!" she yells, raising her fists in the air.

"Woo!" I say, pumping my fists. "Me too!"

"What did you get?"

"Construction." I laugh slightly. "How about you?"

She rubs her hair as she sits down on the grass in front of me. I see her blush a little. "Janitor…."

I laugh out loud at her, then laugh even harder when she gives me a rude gesture with her hand. I get all serious for a moment and rest my chin on my knees.

"So this means I'm cleaning the house now, right…."

"You got it."


	7. Chapter 7

**VERONICA ROTH OWNS DIVERGENT. NOT ME.**

**TOBIAS POV…**

I start working about four days a week, Tris works less than I do. She was only able to get a part time job, but she tells me that she enjoys it enough there. There's little to no social interaction with her job, so I can understand why she enjoys it. Unlike mine.

I _loathe_ this freakin' job. I don't mind the labor. The labor doesn't bother me at all. I actually enjoy the warm feeling in my muscles as I work and lift and saw. But the people drive me crazy. For one, they're all idiots. And that's a nice way to say it. The second thing is that they all try to boss me around. And the worst thing is that they all call me Four. Like they know me, like they remember me from the war, like they know who I am. I'm starting to think that I'll have to throw some fists to get anywhere here. I probably will eventually, but only for a serious reason. And I've only made one decent friend. I kinda befriended the first guy who didn't pretend to know who I was. His name is Anthony. It's kind of strange to see a pale, freckled redhead working at a construction site. I mean, it's obvious that he's not built for it- there are burns all over his pale skin. Don't get me wrong, it's not that he's not muscular, he's almost as strong as I am, it's just that he looks like more of a lover, not a fighter.

Today we're working on painting the inside of a house, my black shirt striped with white paint. I can't help but laugh as I think about how I rock the Candor colors.

"So what do you do when you get off work, Tobias?" Anthony says, trying to break the quiet with small talk. "As soon as we get out, you run off. Don't you ever do anything social, like go to the coffee shop or something?"

I let out a small laugh and wipe the sweat off my brow. "Never. I don't really have a social life. I just run home to my girlfriend. Sometimes she has people over, though, if that counts." I dip my paintbrush in the bucket again.

"Not really…. Hey! You have a girlfriend?"

"Yeah," I say nonchalantly. "A serious girlfriend. Her name is Tris. Why do you sound surprised?"

"I don't know. You just always struck me as the fruity type."

I choke. "What?" I can't help but laugh. A couple guys look over to stare at us, but I don't mind them. "I'm not fruity. Trust me, I'm straight," I say, snorting.

I few hours later I finish the walls of the small house, my black shirt completely stained with white paint. I sit down against the wall forgetfully and curse as I get even more on the back. Anthony laughs at me, running his hands through his ginger hair. I sigh and stand up. I quickly pull my shirt over my head, trying to not pepper my hair with white. I check my watch. Thirty minutes until I get to go home.

I walk over to the benches on the other side of the room to grab a bottle of water, and when I come back, Anthony's eyes are wide and his mouth agape.

"What?" I say, taking a deep gulp of water.

"On your back… are those the factions?"

I grit my teeth. I forgot about those. "Yeah," I say, sighing. I go ahead and explain them to him. "I never quite felt like I belonged. I wanted to be a little bit of everything. Brave, kind, selfless, truthful, smart. Of course, that was impossible, though, by society's standards. So I got this tattoo as kind of a rebellion, but also so I could remember who I am. Kind of a stupid tattoo, after everything I've been through, but Tris loves it."

Anthony seems to understand that I've seen more than he could imagine. All that he asks me is. "What faction?"

"Dauntless."

…..

After I'm let out for the day, I run home with my Candor- colored shirt thrown back over my torso. I can't wait to see Tris. She's the highlight of my day, always has been.

I open the door quietly, in case she's asleep. She didn't have to work today, so I never know what she'll be doing when I get back.

I see Christina sitting with her at the coffee table in the kitchen. "Hey, girls," I say. I close the door and take my shoes off, walking into the kitchen. That's when I can tell something's up. Christina's got an arm around Tris' shoulders. Tris' face is red and blotchy, like she's been crying for a while. There's a cup of untouched tea in front of her.

"Tris? Christina? What's wrong?" I can feel my heartbeat increasing, the adrenaline flowing through my body. "Guys?" My voice has risen an octave.

Christina whispers in Tris' ear, "Tell him. It's okay, he's not mad."

Tris slowly stands up out of her chair. I open my mouth to say something to her, but the words won't come, they just won't. She doesn't look at me as she walks over to me, and hugs me. Then she just breaks out into sobs, all I can do is hold her.

"My God, what's wrong?" I say, the worst possible scenarios coming to my mind. I look at Christina, who looks at me with a tense expression in her eyes. Someone was killed, the compound was blown up. Another war has started. "Tris?" I rest my lips on her hair, inhaling her scent.

I almost don't hear her response. "I'm pregnant."


	8. Chapter 8

**I DO NOT OWN DIVERGENT.**

**TOBIAS POV…**

"What?" That's my immediate reaction. I don't know what else to say. How could she even be pregnant? We were so careful, I used protection. Oh, wait. That one time. I reach down to take her jaw in my hands, forcing her to look at me. I feel nervousness bubbling in my stomach. I'm sure my emotions are close to hers. "Pregnant?" I force small smile onto my lips, hoping that the forcefulness isn't too noticeable. I wipe the tears from her eyes.

"Y- yes…" she says, fresh tears forming in her eyes.

"Hey," I say warmly to her, sitting down in a chair and placing her in my lap. I forget about the rest of the world. It's just me and her. We are the last to people on the face of the Earth. "What are you so worked up about? I'm not mad."

"You're not?" she asks, sniffing.

"Of course not." I place a gentle kiss on her forehead. "A little surprised, yes. Not mad." I look her in the eyes. "Why are you so upset? I thought this is what you wanted."

She laughs quietly, almost bitterly. "It is, of course it is. It's just more of a shock than I thought it would be."

I hug her gently, caressing her hair. Christina breaks the silence after a while. I had forgotten she was here.

"Thank goodness, Tobias, I couldn't calm her down for anything." She sighs, then places a palm on Tris' cheek. "See girl, you got worked up over nothing." Tris still frowns, but she does look better, more reassured. "And since you did this to her, Tobias, you had better keep helping her, or so help me-"

"Christina, it's okay. He will," Tris says quietly. "Thank you so much for everything." She stands up and gives Christina a hug, and Christina gives me a pointed look when Tris can't see. I give her a sheepish smile, nodding.

After that, Christina leaves, telling Tris to call her if she needs a single solitary thing. After Tris closes the door, she looks back at me and frowns. I go over to her and place my hands on her lower abdomen.

"So…. there's a baby in there?"

"It seems so," she sighs, placing her hands on top of mine.

"Why are you so scared?" I ask her, moving my hands to rest on her face.

"Pregnancy has always scared me," she says, shrugging. "I just knew that I wanted a child with you." She pauses. "It's not that I wanted it to happen now, exactly, it just sort of… happened… So tell me what you're scared of. And don't tell me you're not, I can see it all over your face."

I take a deep breath. I guess I didn't do a good enough job hiding it. "I'm scared I'm going to turn into Marcus. But I'm not going to let myself worry about that now. Now I have to take care of you."

"You are not going to turn into Marcus," she says, looking me dead in the eyes. "You aren't him, I know you're not." She pauses, her expression lightening some, "And, uh, no," she says. "Not take care of me. Just support me, like usual. Like you always do." She looks away from me for a minute. "So you'll still love me when I'm half the size of a whale and I'm moody and angry at you for doing this to me?"

I pause, choosing my words carefully. I smile a bit. "I think I'll love you more, knowing that you're carrying our child inside you."

"Good answer," she murmurs, leaning up to kiss me passionately on the lips.


	9. Chapter 9

**I DO NOT OWN DIVERGENT.**

**This one kinda shows Tobias' soft side towards Tris. Sweet C": Actually he's a big softie towards her during a lot of this fanfiction.**

**TRIS POV….**

_This is awful,_ is all I can think as I throw up into our bathroom toilet._ This is awful this is awful this is awful_. I haven't gotten a solid night's rest since I became pregnant. Of course, that hasn't been very long, but it's still taxing. Not to mention I'm otherwise drained and I have no appetite. And I have to work tomorrow. I heave again into the toilet. Why, kid, why? Just then I hear Tobias' footsteps walk in after me.

"Go away," I force through clenched teeth at him._ Before I start yelling at yo_u, I think. He heads my warning, but comes back with a warm washcloth. He makes sure I'm done heaving before he does anything. Then he picks me up from the ground gently.

"What're you-" I say, starting to flail in his arms.

"Shh. I think I have a solution," he says, cradling me in his arms. He takes me and a trash can from the bathroom to the bedroom silently. He lays me down first, then snuggles me into his chest. I listen to his heartbeat for a long minute before he talks.

"Why is it always at night?" he asks me. "This isn't morning sickness, this is night sickness." He runs the warm washcloth over my forehead. I didn't expect this would actually work, but for now, the nausea has subsided. Maybe it's just that he's here with me.

"I don't know," I breathe. "I'm convinced the kid hates me, that's why it's doing this. This is it's revenge for us having premarital sex." I feel the rumble of Tobias' chest as he laughs.

He wraps his arms around my waist to the back and rubs small circles up and down my the small of my back. I didn't realize how tense I was. I moan quietly into Tobias' chest and feel him chuckle slightly again, but before I know it, I'm starting to doze. He was right, he did have a solution.

"You're an angel," I murmur into the flesh underneath his skin, right before I fall asleep.

"You deserve the best I can give," He mutters quietly. I go to sleep with a smile on my lips.

…

The next morning I wake up to a gentle shake of my shoulders. Tobias looks at me with a concerned expression. "You gonna skip work today, Tris? I think you should stay-"

"Ugh, work," I groan, beginning to stand up. "I have to go Tobias, or they'll fire me." Tobias puckers his lips but otherwise doesn't complain. He manages to feed me an egg this morning after I shower. He doesn't have to work today, so he sends me out with a kiss and makes me promise to come back for lunch. I smile, feeling a little better, and walk towards the random huge building that I'm cleaning today.

Work starts out fine. The get me to sweep the lobby in the mornings, so it's not that bad. After I sweep, I usually mop the less used parts of the building. That's when it starts to get bad. The smell of chemicals and dirty water turns my stomach and I barely make it to the bathroom before I throw up my entire breakfast in a toilet. A toilet that I just cleaned a few days ago. The few people in there stare at me, one older lady gives me a sympathetic look of understanding, like she's gone through this before. But I don't worry about any of them, and soon they file out.

After I compose myself I go back to my spot, just to find my boss standing beside my mop bucket, propped up against the wall. Her name is Mrs Sandra. She's a short, stout, older woman with curly brown hair. I grunt and go ahead to talk to her. What's the worst she can do, right? Oh yeah, fire me.

"Oh, hi Mrs. Sandra," I say, rubbing the back of my hair with my hand.

"Tris, why weren't you at your spot? I was just doing my rounds and you weren't here. Why's that?" She's using her boss voice, one that I especially don't enjoy. Mrs. Sandra is a nice person, don't get me wrong, but she can be firm. She reminds me of an english teacher that I had when I was younger.

"I was in the bathroom," I try to say nonchalantly, trying to be as vague as possible.

"For fifteen minutes?"

I sigh. I can't get out of this one, Mrs. Sandra is too perceptive. But she's had kids. Maybe she'll understand.

"You see," I say, trying to word this carefully, "I haven't felt too well for the past few days, and-"

"Tris," she says in her no nonsense tone of voice. She's starting to get aggravated with me.

I look away from her. "Morning sickness," I whisper. "I found out I was pregnant a few days ago, and it's not treating me too well." I look her in the eye. "That's why."

Her expression softens some, and I begin to feel my cheeks flush slightly. "I'm sorry," I say, "but I can't really do anything about it."

"I thought that's what it might be," she says, running a hand through her curly hair. She sighs. "Tris, I know that you probably want to keep this job, but all these chemicals won't be good for your baby. And the physical labor is taxing enough in a normal conditions. I'll keep a job open for you, if you want to work here after you have the baby," she says, patting me on the shoulder. "But for your safety, I'm afraid I'll have to let you go."

I sigh. "Great," I say. "My day's just getting better and better." I quietly thank her, bitterly, and then I leave without a backwards glance.

It's almost lunchtime anyway, so Tobias will be expecting me.

By the time I've finished walking home, all I want to do is take a nap and try to forget this whole day. Tobias was right, I should've just stayed home.

Tobias is laying on the couch, reading a book. When he hears the door click he sets the book on his stomach and looks at me warmly. "Hey, hun, how was your day? I made some tomato soup if you want… some." He sees my expression and his face sombers. "Hey, what's wrong?" He holds out his arms, "C'mere." I walk over to him and he folds me up in his arms before laying down again, my torso pressed flat against his. He wraps his arms around my back and rubs small circles. He doesn't ask any further questions. He waits until I'm ready to talk about it.

"I got fired," I say solemnly, bitterly, although I'm not crying.

"What?" he says, surprised. "Why'd you get fired?"

"Let me just put it this way- it seems the night sickness has turned into all day sickness. And my boss also doesn't think all the cleaning chemicals are good for my health. So, yeah, no job."

He waits for a minute, I guess trying to find the right words. He just settles at "I'm sorry, Tris. That's not fair. But hey, now you can sleep in late." His words do have some truth to them, though.

"But that puts more pressure on you to work and earn money," I say. But my words don't have any bite in them right now, mainly because I'm enjoying him rubbing my back so much.

"Nah, don't worry about it. If I can handle a war, I can handle a bunch of oversized jerks with hammers." a laugh rumbles in his chest. "No, you just worry about growing that bundle of cells in your belly, now." I hear him take a deep breath. He kisses the top of my head. "My love."


	10. Chapter 10

**I DO NOT OWN DIVERGENT.**

**TRIS POV…..**

I learn quickly that I get bored fast around the house. The first week I don't work I just sleep all day and try to cope with the sickness the best I can. It actually isn't any easier now, but In a few weeks I'm a lot more used to this "pregnant" thing, or the thought of it at least. I'm still scared, but not as badly as I was before. The only bad thing is that I can't really keep anything down. I've lost about fifteen pounds. Tobias tries to get me to eat, I know it's worrying him, but it doesn't stay down two hours before it comes right back up. Every now and then, Christina comes by to check up, and she always brings food.

Today, she comes unexpectedly.

I'm lying on the couch, trying to stifle my nausea and get a little shut eye before Tobias comes home from work. Christina opens up the door and I hiss, covering my eyes with my hands.

"Close the door. Too bright," I say, sounding like dracula. I can still manage to pull a joke every now and then, even in my fragile state.

"Oh shut up, you sissy. I brought food," she laughs at me.

"Eew, not food. I just ate, I'm not hungry." I give all the excuses in one breath.

Christina pauses for a minute, then plops down beside me on the couch. She stares at me for a minute before frowning. "How much weight have you lost?"

I sigh. "Honestly, I have no idea." I give her a pointed look. "And don't tell me I'm not eating, I'm trying my best. It just won't stay down."

Christina sighs. "Have you gone to the doctor? They might get you some meds for this kind of thing."

"I've planned on it." I make that lie right up on the spot. Tobias doesn't really know how badly this is affecting me. "Tobias was actually going to take me next week sometime. But until then, I'm screwed." I plop back down on the couch and rub my almost- flat abdomen subconsciously. "This kid is killing me." Just then a wave of nausea hits me and I have to run to the bathroom to throw up some eggs that I ate earlier this morning. Christina comes running in after me, concerned.

"What can I do to help?" she asks, almost panicked. She's not used to seeing me like this.

"It always helps when Tobias rubs circles in my lower back," I murmur, my head hanging over the toilet. She nods consent and immediately starts rubbing circles in my back. I let out a quiet moan and she stifles a relieved laugh.

After I'm able to stand again, she leads me to the table in the kitchen and makes me some tea. I sip at it, but mainly for her benefit. She sits down next to me.

"I thought pregnancy would be more enjoyable than this," she says, laughing sarcastically.

"But you don't have to go through it," I say, sneering at her.

"True. But now I'm going to worry about you and dream about you throwing your guts up in the toilet. Expect me to come over more often." She shines a toothy grin at me. "But of course, Beatrice Prior doesn't complain, she's doing just fine."

"I am doing fine, a lot of women go through this," I argue, managing to smile at her slightly.

"That doesn't make it any easier."

Just then, Tobias comes in, his black shirt peppered with white paint. He takes his shoes off and walks over to us.

"Everything okay?" He raises an eyebrows.

"Well," Christina says, "Your girl just threw up half of her stomach and then told me that this is normal."

Tobias looks at me worriedly. "You told me you were feeling better and throwing up less."

"She's also a good liar," Christina points out. I give her a look. "Hey, I'm doing this for your own good."

"Okay, so I'm not feeling amazing. I'm fine."

"Tris," Tobias says firmly. "Remember a long time ago, when we agreed we wouldn't lie to each other?" His expression is worried and stern, a little scared. "Remember?"

I sigh, defeated. "Okay, so I still feel like crap, but I really am learning how to cope. And we scheduled a doctor's appointment for next week anyway, so-"

"I don't remember scheduling a doctor's appointment," Tobias says, opening the fridge to grab a gallon of milk, and Christina gives me a pointed, almost angry look. Christina mouths at me 'liar.' He turns around. "But I'm taking you tomorrow. I don't have to work."

"Alright," I say, sighing. I'm cornered now. "Tomorrow."

….

The next day, at the doctor's office, the doctor weighs me and says I've lost nearly fifteen pounds, as I've suspected. Tobias keeps scowling as the doctor goes through the examination. It's like he thinks it's his fault. But his expression begins to lighten after the doctor does a pelvic exam and says that the baby's just fine. I finally breathe a sigh of relief, too.

They give me a couple types of pills. One to give me extra nutrients and one to remedy my nausea. By the time I go home with Tobias, I'm finally feeling hopeful. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and I put one around his waist. After all these years, he still gives me the same fiery feeling in my chest when I'm near him.

Christina is at our house when I walk in. I hold up the two bottles of pills and stick out my tongue at her. "Are you happy now?"

"Very happy, actually," she says, a satisfied smirk on her face. "Hey, I made you guys some sandwiches, and now since you can eat, you can eat my cooking. I sigh and just nod, rolling my eyes at her. Christina can be abrasive at times. She can be, well, Candor, but she means the best and loves me. And I love her, too.

…..

I'm so relieved in the next few weeks when the nausea medicine works. It's a Godsend, honestly, because my appetite is really starting to pick up. I bet I've almost made up the fifteen pounds that I've lost. And I have the strangest cravings. Right now I want to stuff both an entire cow and ten buckets of ice cream in my mouth simultaneously. And some days I send Tobias to buy me what I desire. And he does. Sometimes I feel bad for doing it, but I just want it so badly. I eat nearly all day, and when Christina brings me some of her homemade goodies, I stuff those down my throat, too.

One day when she brings me a chicken pot pie, she tells me about it.

"This is amazing," I tell her as I practically inhale the food. "Thank you so much. I love you, Christina."

"It's just a chicken pot pie," she says, scratching her hair. She kind of laughs at me. "So you're at that stage then, huh? The one where you put on twenty pounds and eat for hours upon end?"

"It seems so," I say, sighing. I laugh. "But I can't help it. Everything tastes so much better than it did before." I laugh again, rubbing my hand over the slight bump underneath my shirt. "Oh yeah!" I say to Christina, standing up. "Look at this." I lift my shirt up slightly, revealing my lower abdomen and the little bump forming just over my belly button. "I just noticed it a few days ago."

Christina's eyes grow wide and a small, warm smile forms on her lips. "Well look at that." She reaches her hand up to touch it, then she remembers to ask permission. "Um, can I?"

"Of course," I say, chuckling slightly. Her hand runs over my skin, and a warm rush flows through me. I smile. There's a child in there, right underneath her hand. A living being.

"That's amazing," she replies, withdrawing her hand. I pull my shirt down and sit down again.

"Yeah," I sigh. "It really is."

….

That night I show Tobias when we're lying in bed together. I lift my shirt up to show him, and his reaction is priceless. His eyes meet mine and one of his rough, warm hands touches the little bump. The expression in his eyes is first amazement, then it turns to sort of a guarded fear.

"We…. I. We made that?" He asks me, his dark blue eyes searching mine.

"Yep," I say, smiling at him.

"Tris, it's so… small. So fragile. What if I… hurt it?"

"Well, Tobias, I'm pretty sure it's protected in there."

"That's not what I mean," he says, his eyes glancing away from mine. "Like, hurt it like Marcus hurt me."

"Tobias…." I say, framing his face in my hands. "You would never do that. I know you. I know you, you wouldn't hurt our baby."

"Then how did Marcus do it?" His eyes are scared. He's scared of himself.

"Marcus did it because he's evil," I say, my eyes like stone. "And you are good, Tobias, you're good. You aren't like him. I know you, and if you were like him, I wouldn't trust you enough to have a baby with you. But I trust you, and I love you, and so does this baby." I place my hand on top of his. "And everything's okay."

Tobias looks me in the eyes, his expression softens some. Then he gets this wild passion in his eyes and presses his lips to mine. He grabs my hips with his hands, pulling me closer to him strongly but not violently. I run my fingers through his hair and pull his shirt over his head. I fumble with the buckle of his belt before he stops me.

"Are you sure this is.. safe?" he asks me, his breathing heavy.

"Oh, I'm sure," I say against his lips, slipping his pants off.

He chuckles slightly.

"Okay."

…..

The next few weeks go well. I'm beginning to see my belly protrude underneath my shirts, and although that doesn't thrill me, I'm glad that my baby is healthy.

Tobias has several days off this week, and we spend every moment of these days together with each other. My hormones are fiery at this stage, my need for him can't be satisfied no matter how hard I try. And try I do, believe me, but he's just so handsome. So hot. I love the way his skin feels beneath my fingertips.

Eventually I do get my body under enough control to give the poor guy a break. And after that happens, I get so tired. So, so tired. I bet I sleep half the day, every day, for a week at least.

One day, I get out of bed around three in the afternoon and walk towards the kitchen. I feel a little too light today, but that's probably because I haven't been eating very much lately.

I walk into the kitchen and give Tobias a good morning kiss. He's making scrambled eggs over the stove, like he does some afternoons when he's hungry and we don't have anything else to cook.

I sit down at the coffee table with a glass of milk and a few eggs. I feel a sharp pain underneath my belly button when I sit down, but it doesn't last long. Tobias sits next to me, smiling, but I can see the dark circles underneath his eyes.

"Sleep well?" he asks me.

"Better than you did," I say, rubbing a thumb underneath his eyes.

He chuckles. "Nah, when I can't sleep I just get stuff done. Like the baby's room," he says, his eyebrows raised.

"No way!" I say. "You've gotten it done?"

"Almost." He crosses his arms. "Honestly, I thought you'd realize that something was going on. This is your house too, after all."

I shrug. "I've been sleeping."

He laughs and blushes slightly. "Believe me, I know."

"Well, let's go look at it," I say, standing up and wincing when I do. There's a sharper pain that runs from my hips down my legs. I grunt and stop in my tracks. I reach to rub my lower back, that always helps the pain, but there is something slick and wet there. _What? What is that?_ I raise my hand to look at it and freeze. Tobias is already at the entrance to the baby's room. He looks back at me with a grin on his face that goes slack as soon as he sees the red liquid all over my hand.

"Tris?" he says, his voice shaking.

"Call an ambulance."

**I know all of you are going to hate me for this cliffhanger... Hahaha. Just be assured, it gets worse before it gets better. Much worse. But stay tuned and in a few days or so I should get the next one or two chapters together!**

**~Beff Monster**


	11. Chapter 11

**I DO NOT OWN DIVERGENT. **

**Okay, so this one goes deep. I think it's the longest, and by far the most emotional. Like I said, hang in there, because it'll get better eventually. Eventually.**

**TOBIAS POV…..**

I call an ambulance but they get here too slowly. I press Tris to me for what seems like an eternity, muttering transparent condolences to her to try to calm her down. But she's not listening to me. Her hands are pressed up against my chest, making red handprints on the fabric of my shirt, and her eyes are closed. She's in a little corner of herself that I still don't know how to get into, even after all this time. Her teeth are clenched so hard I'm afraid they will break, and she looks like she's in actual, physical pain, despite the fear. I think she is. I think she's losing the baby now, before they can do anything about it. It's awful how fast things can be taken away from you, how fast things can turn for the worst.

When the people get here, they run in and put her on a stretcher to take her to the hospital. She doesn't cry, but her entire body is shaking and I know that she's breaking on the inside. And the worst thing is… I can't help her. I can't do anything about it. _I'm useless. _

She's rushed into the emergency room, and while they plug her into machines and stick iv's in her arms, I sit outside her room and silently sob, my entire body racking with each breath I take. I don't know if people stare. I could care less. Because right now I feel like I am physically dying. By heart is breaking for Tris and the life that she carries inside her- if it's still alive.

When I have myself composed enough, I walk into Tris' room. My face is blotchy and crusted with salt water, but she's in worse condition. There's a doctor over to her right with a clipboard in his hands, and his words are condolences, but they are monotone and soulless. Tris has both of her hands over her face, she's curled up into a little ball with her knees to her chest. And her body is shaking violently.

I go over to her and wrap my arms around her body. I sit her in my lap and try to calm her down as much as possible, but I also break when the doctor speaks next.

"I'm so sorry. There was nothing we could do."

I look up, tears streaming down my face. "Was it our fault? I mean, did we do something wro-?"

"No, this wasn't either of your faults," he interrupts, his face somber. "The baby had a terminal illness. If it had lived to be born, then it wouldn't have made it for more than a few months." He quickly exits the room, muttering a "I'm so sorry." Those words actually have emotion in them. He closes the door with a quiet 'click'.

I stare into space for a minute. And in that minute, I let my child go, as awful as it sounds. I love it to death. I loved it so much already, although I didn't know it personally. But I love it's mother, too, I love Tris so dearly. And now it's my job to protect her and to console her, because I'm sure she'll grieve for much longer than I will. That baby was part of her. _Part of her_. And I know that what she's going through now is something I'll never understand, no matter how hard I try.

I brush a lock of hair out of Tris' eyes, trying to get her to talk to me, to look at me, something.

Suddenly, she lets out a keening moan, like she can't hold it in any longer. High- pitched. A quiet, grieving moan of a mother. Tears stream down her face and she looks away from me. "Tris-"

_ "Don't talk to me,"_ she says, her words morphing into the keening moan that stretches eternally out of her lips. _"Don't talk to me. Don't touch me. Just leave me alone."_

Her words are like a punch to my throat. Is she mad at me? No, I…. I don't think she is. She just wants to be left alone. I nod slowly to her and set her back down on the cot, pulling up a chair so I can sit beside her and still give her the space she needs. I lay my head down on the thin mattress and feel in my pocket for the small square box that I placed there a few days ago, hoping the right time would pop up. I was about to propose when she started bleeding. I wanted to do this right, I wanted to have a wife and a child and a normal life, but everything seems to go wrong during the worst times possible in my life. I take the box out and flip the lid open, quietly and slowly so Tris doesn't see.

_What's the point now?_

Eventually I call Christina over because Tris needs her and I need someone to help Tris. I can handle my own pain, it's hers I can't stand.

"Christina?" I say, my voice hoarse and cracked.

"Tobias? What's up?"

"I need you to come to the hospital."

All I hear is static on the other line for a minute.

"I'm on my way."

Christina comes and meets up with me outside the room. My jaw is clenched and I'm trying my best not to cry.

"So what happened?" she asks me, her eyes clouded with worry.

I don't say anything. I just stand there, my eyes glazed over.

"Tobias," she says gently, resting a hand on my shoulder. "I know it hurts. But you have to tell me." She points at the closed door. "For her."

I close my eyes as a tear falls down. "The baby died." I hear her choke beside me as I sink to the floor, to my knees. I press my hands to my face. "She doesn't want me anywhere near her. She's mad at me for doing this to her. I…." I curse. "I can't help her!"

Christina kneels in front of me, tears welling up in her eyes. She opens her mouth like she's about to say something, but she just shakes her head and hugs me instead. I sob into her shoulder for a long time before I decide to put on Four's face again, cold and distant. I stand up. Christina looks surprised when she sees my metallic expression.

"Tobias, I think maybe she just needs another girl to talk to," she says as she stands. "I don't think she's mad at you. I think she feels like she's let you down." She rests a hand on my arm. "She'll be okay, soon. It just takes time. Time heals all wounds, and if it can't completely heal them, it at least stitches them together." I sit outside the room in a chair while Christina goes to talk to Tris.

All I hear for a minute is silence. Then I hear the soft croon of Christina's words and then the choking sobs of Tris. Then it's all Christina. I can't understand what they're saying, but I know that Christina's trying to console Tris the best way she can- apparently better than I can at the moment.

Then…. silence. All I hear is a deafening silence.

…

She won't talk. She won't eat. She won't sleep. She just stares into space for hours upon end, blinking occasionally. The food that I place in front of her is untouched. And since she refuses to eat, so do I. I know it may be selfish, but I feel like I deserve to be as much pain as she is in.

I talk to her, and at first I try to coax a response out of her, but eventually I give up and just start talking. I start talking about anything. After a while, even I stop listening to the words that come out of my mouth, but I can hope that she hears some of what I'm saying. I can hope that, as transparent as the hope is.

Every day, I see her getting thinner. The doctor's haven't yet been forced to put a tube to feed her yet, but they will soon. The few pounds of weight she had put on during pregnancy are quickly used up. And soon, I notice the gentle swell of her lower abdomen is gone, too. I cry a lot that day. For her, and for the baby too.

…..

I see our baby in my dreams as I sleep, my head rested on the mattress of her bed and my body in a stiff- arm chair.

It is a boy, with dark hair like me and features like his mother. And although the thought of having a son scares me to death, because of what Marcus did to me, I am thrilled the day that he's born. Tris is exhausted after almost twenty- four hours of labor, but the wispy smile on her face is unmistakable.

Tris cries the day he takes his first steps. The day when he says his first words.

"Daddee!" he slurs with infant gurgle. I pick him up and fly him through the air, and his laughs echo in the room. He's so perfect.

_He's perfect. And he's mine. He's ours._

…

I'm poked on my shoulder and I cough when I raise my head. I can practically feel the dark circles underneath my eyes, but I don't really care that much about them, about myself. Tris is still beside me, her eyes bloodshot and unmoving.

"Christina," I say, standing up. "Why are you here?"

She looks at me sternly, setting down a small duffle bag beside Tris' bed. "Because someone has to do something about this," she gestures to me, to my thin frame.

"I'm fine," I say dismissively, sitting back down in my chair.

She looks at me a minute before I see the flames leap out of her eyes.

"Dammit, Tobias!" she says loudly, tears leaping into her eyes. "Do you think that_ you_, punishing_ yourself_, will make_ her_ feel better?!" She points at Tris' form violently. She seems to be sleeping now. "You are not making things easier for anyone,_ especially her_! Do you think she would want you to be like this when she finally does snap out of it? Pitiful and sad? NO!" She raises her hand like she's about to slap me, and I flinch, but then she lowers it. "Get ready. Now. Shave and bathe. Before I get mad." She starts to walk out the door.

"You have no idea what it's like," I say coldly to her.

She turns back with a fierceness that I've never seen in her before. Her eyes carve into my soul.

_"I know what it's like to lose someone I love._ So don't you tell me I don't know_ what it's like._ And I'm trying to help you before you loose someone else, too." She doesn't look back at me again, and closes the door with a sharp thud.

After that I feel like a big jerk. I hold my head in my hands and take a deep breath. I feel like screaming, or crying, or just plain dying. Maybe I'm depressed. But I feel like I have every right to be. Still, I wish I could take the words I said back, but I can't. They're out there, I can only hope that Christina won't keep a grudge against me.

I do heed Christina's words, though, as harsh as they are. I know that she was just trying to knock some sense into me, and I'm thankful to her for that. They just hurt a little in the process.

I soon bathe and shave the thick shadow of a beard that I've grown in the bathroom that's adjoined to the room that Tris is in. I brush my teeth, too, and change into some new clothes that are in the bag left by Christina as well. The black shirt is a little big, but it feels nice to wear a clean shirt that will also hide the thinness of my middle.

When I get out, I sit idly on the side of Tris' bed for a while before I decide that I don't care if she minds me holding her anymore. She's my girlfriend, and one day she will be my wife, so if she slaps me I'll be fine with the reaction. I'll be happy for any reaction that she gives me. She stays asleep when I move her, but when I lift her slight frame, I see a moderately- sized pool of blood on the bed sheets and on the back of her hospital gown, and I curse, setting her back down. I run my hand over my face, anger flushing my cheeks. I thought the doctors were taking care of her. And it's obvious her body is reacting violently to losing a child, so they're supposed to take care of that! Soon I'm pulling one of my large black shirts and a pair of panties out of the bag that Christina left, cursing loud enough for the next room to hear me, I'm sure.

Before I can change Tris' clothes, a young male doctor comes into the room, his face gathered into a scowl. Good. I'm disturbing them enough to get something done around here.

"What are you doing?" He says, his voice hardly restrained, "You're disturbing other patients. Please quiet down, sir."

I turn my face into a disgusted smirk. "Are you one of her doctors?" I say, pointing to Tris.

His face softens. "Yes. Why?"

It's all I can do to refrain from punching him right now. "Please enlighten me on why _the hell_ there is a pool of blood underneath her, sir? And why not a _single solitary_ person has come in to do anything about it, or even check on her in the last forty- eight hours? What? Is a miscarriage so low on your priority list that no one even bothers?" I can feel my voice beginning to rise.

"Sir, we've just been very busy lately, and I swear I was about to get someone to her room. It's just-"

It's like time slows down. My heart slows, like Dauntless training taught me to do. I would've probably accepted his apology if he hadn't of just lied to me like a coward.

I punch him square in the jaw.

…

He stumbles back and touches a hand to his jaw. He looks at me like I've lost my mind. I can't help but think he'd be in Erudite if that's still how things were set up here. His hands are shaking as he presses a button on a device on his shirt, probably for security to come, but I don't want to hit him again. I don't plan to damage the guy seriously, but if I let myself loose on him, some bones would probably be broken. I stand up strong and tall, like Four, prepared for the security guards.

I hear the door open slowly. It's Christina. She looks around the room and stands between the two of us, then looks at the doctor's jaw and then back to me, her jaw set tightly.

"_Four,_" she says sternly. She hasn't called me that in a long time.

Soon, the security guards come in, and the doctor tells them what happened. That I punched him "out of nowhere," and that I need to be restrained.

I laugh. "That's not true at all." I say it all so bitterly. "I noticed a moderate amount of blood on the sheets of her bed, and on her," I say, pointing at Tris. "Yes, I got upset, and when the doctor came in, I asked him why that was there, and why the staff was not taking care of her. And he gave me lies. Hollow excuses of a coward." I look at the doctor coldly. "If he had told me the truth, I might not have punched him."

The security guards come towards me without saying anything.

Christina quietly steps between me and them.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," she says, holding up her hands, her eyebrows knitted together. "This man and his wife just lost their first child, okay?" she stares into the eyes of the security guards without flinching. "And she's obviously being neglected by the staff here. And although I don't think Four should've punched the idiot doctor that tried to make excuses, I think he has every right to be upset." She pauses. "There's no reason for you to take him away, though. I'll get him out, give him some fresh air. Actually, we were just on our way. You see his wet hair? He just got a shower so we could go outside." She looks at me, "Right?"

"Yeah," I say, running my hand through it.

The security guards look at each other for a long moment, and then the taller one, probably the leader, shrugs. "Okay. But I'm watching you, Four, and if you so lay a finger on anyone else here, I'm taking you away. Got it?" His eyes aren't cold, but no nonsense and to the point. They scream former Dauntless, but I never remember seeing him there.

"Yes. Thank you," I say.

"I'm sorry for your loss," he says, his words clipped and sad.

I just nod my head, looking at the floor. The doctor looks like he wants to complain, but they just file him out of the room. I don't even smirk at my winning, I'm too exhausted to be a smart alec, all of my anger is drained.

Christina looks at me, then she shakes her head and presses a palm to my cheek. She sighs, "I'm sorry, Tobias." I guess that apology was for everything, including her calling me Four. She doesn't reprimand me, she knows that I feel bad enough already. Wordlessly, she goes to the bag where I left the shirt and panties, then looks at Tris. "We'd better change her clothes. Just be careful around her stomach muscles, I'm sure she's still sore." I nod and begin to peel the covers off of Tris' underweight frame.

Christina and I quietly make our way out of the room when we've finished redressing Tris and cleaning her up. Christina assures me that she'll be fine by herself, even if she does wake up, and that I need to get some food and fresh air.

Once we get outside the hospital, we sit on the steps leading down to the parking lot. I sigh deeply, kind of nervous to be away from Tris. But it does feel good to be out here in the sunlight, with the wind lapping at my wet hair and skin. We stay silent for a long time, just watching the different people file in and out of the hospital. It's Christina who breaks the silence.

"I know this is probably a stupid question," she says, running a hand through her hair, "But when I first woke you up, when you were sleeping in the chair with your head on the cot, you were smiling. Why's that?" I look in her eyes and see a natural curiosity. Sometimes her curiosity is prying, but I go ahead and tell her without bothering to hide my answer.

"I was smiling because I was dreaming of what our life was going to be like, with me and Tris. I…. I dreamed about my son." I pause. "I don't know if it actually was going to be a boy, but… you know." I press my head into my hands and cry silently. I hear Christina sniff after a long while.

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean to-"

"It's fine," I choke out, shaking my head in my hands, although I'm lying. "It's fine."

**Please don't hate me XD **

**I hate and love writing the sad stuff at the same time. But it can't all be happy or it wouldn't be fun to read, right? **

**~Beff Monster**


	12. Chapter 12

**I DO NOT OWN DIVERGENT**

**UGGH THIS CHAPTER IS KILLING ME. It's probably killing you more, though. I'm so sorry XC**

**TRIS POV…**

Pain. All there is is pain. Nothing else. There is nothing else.

From time to time I hear a muttering. Is it Tobias? Is it Christina? Once or twice I think I hear yelling. I don't know. I try to listen, but it just takes too much focusing. Too much energy. I feel like I'm trapped inside myself, kind of like I felt before I woke up from the gunshot coma, but different. This isn't so much physical pain as it is emotional pain. And the thing is, I don't even know why I hurt so badly. I just know that it was awful, that's all. I've forgotten, for the time being, at emotional pain has finally begun to subside, and that's probably why I feel more myself. More me. That's probably why I'm coming back to consciousness.

I take a slow breath in, and I feel a dull throbbing pain in my lower abdomen. I open my eyes and it all comes back to me. The pain. The blood. The miscarriage and the doctor telling me there was nothing he could do, that the baby had already died.

Suddenly, in the place of the dull throbbing pain, comes a sharper, purely emotional pain. Like being stabbed in the chest with a Dauntless throwing knife. I want to go back to sleep. I want to be unconscious. I want to disappear.

_I want to die._

My child. My baby. Why did it have to die? How could my God be so cruel? I subconsciously run my hand over my belly button, where my stomach had started to swell ever so gently with the presence of life. Now it's flat. Nothing is there anymore.

I have never been so disgusted with myself in my life. How could I let this happen? Why didn't I do something different? The doctor was lying, and it is all my fault. It's mine. _My fault._

I'm snapped out of my thoughts when my room door opens slowly. Christina comes in first, under her eyes are dark and her face taut in worry. Second is Tobias. He looks awful- he's suffering like I am. His frame is much more wiry than before, and although he looks like he's trying, he's not doing well. Part of me, the selfish part, is glad that I'm not suffering alone. But I don't want him to suffer. I want him to be happy.

If it wasn't for me, then his child would be alive. He's probably disgusted with me, I think. I've let him down. But part of me holds on to the hope that he's not mad, just a sliver of me holds on to that hope.

They both look at me with a distant expression, like they don't expect me to react to anything. I realize that I've been like this for a while, then. Tobias sets down in a chair beside my bed and Christina stands beside him, looking at me with another expression suddenly- curiosity. Christina always has been inquisitive.

"Tris?" she asks me, her eyebrows raised. I think about not moving for a minute, to just pretend that I'm still in a coma. That way, I won't have to face reality for a little longer. Just a little while longer. I've almost made up my mind when she squints her eyes at me and whispers, almost inaudibly:

_"Be brave, Tris."_

I swallow hard. I can't hide forever, no matter how much I want to. I blink a few times before I swivel my head towards her on my pillow. My vocal cords are sore and sound awfully scratchy.

"Christina."

Tobias looks at me like I've just said the best thing in the world. He stands up out of his chair and reaches his hand forward to touch my face, but flinches. I look in his eyes. He looks hurt, tentative. Almost nervous. So he is mad.

I look at him. I open my mouth, but words don't come easily right now. "I'm sorry," I say forcefully, tears beading in the corners of my eyes.

"You have nothing to be sorry about," he says gently. He finally places a hand on my cheek, framing my face with his larger palm. "It's not your fault. I'm not mad at you."

"You're not?" I ask, disbelief in my voice. "But I…. I killed.." _our child._ I'm beginning to lose control of myself again. My breathing comes faster. Tobias sits down beside me and picks me up in his arms, cradling me like he so often does when I'm upset.

Christina quietly exits out of the room to give us some space without a word. I wait until I hear the door click closed to break down. I clutch at Tobias' shirt for dear life, and he holds me with both arms, nuzzling his nose in my hair.

"Hey," he says softly, calmly. "It's going to be alright."

"No." I say. I don't want things to be alright. I want to grieve for the child that I never got to know, I want to grieve forever.

"Yes. It will be. You just can't see that now."

I look at him with steel eyes. "How can you say that it will be okay? Are you not feeling the same pain that I am?"

"Tris, I'm grieving too," he says gently. "I've had dreams, Tris. Dreams about our baby that will never be. About that particular life that we will never have. And they were so happy, and when I woke up, I felt like dying. But I'm trying to focus more on you and on the future. I'm trying to be strong for you, because if I can't be strong for someone, I'm worthless."

My comeback dissolves. He is feeling pain, just a more rendered version from the kind that I'm feeling.

"I don't want to look forward to the future. I want to go back to the past. Back to the time when we were happy." I can't stop the tears from overflowing anymore.

He seems stuck for an answer for a minute. "We'll be happy again," he says, petting my hair gently, his hand tracing my features for a minute. He leans down and kisses my forehead gently, but even that small gesture of love sends a sharp pain straight through my soul. The tears flow more freely, and I flinch.

"What?" he says gently, worried about my reaction.

"Please.. Just hold me. Nothing physical. No kisses, please." I now have a new fear for intimacy, a new layer added to the other ones that were built and broken not that long ago. But they're being rebuilt quickly. "I'm sorry, I just-"_ I don't want the kisses to lead to anything else. Ever again._

He quickly refrains from me, and I hear him gulp. I've hurt him, but I can't help it. I can't.

"I understand completely," he says quietly. "But can I still say I love you?" I can feel his fear of losing me become more prominent.

"Of course." But even saying that is hard for me now, even though I still love him desperately.

"Well, I love you, Tris. I love you so much." _He wants to kiss me._

"I know." I pause. A long pause. "I love you too."

For some reason, his arms wrapped around my body don't bother me. I think it reminds me of the times when I was small and scared during a thunderstorm and my Mother would hold me in her and Dad's bed. She would cradle me just like this, and whisper:

"It'll be okay, Beatrice. It's just a thunderstorm. When you hear the thunder, that just means that the lightning has already struck, and that we're safe."

Mom holds me loosely in a cradle in the hospital bed, and I nestle my face into the warm flesh of her neck until it becomes wet with my tears, and even then I don't let go.

**Okay, so you're past the worst part. It gets better from here, although it will be a lot harder to build her back up that it was break her down. **

**Meh. *Cries internally***

**~Beff Monster**

**P.S. Here's to my first seven reviewers! Thanks for the support! **

**sabs92**

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	13. Chapter 13

**I DO NOT OWN DIVERGENT. **

**Okay, notice how in both point of views how they both blame ****_themselves_****. That's important. **

**Also, where would we all be without Christina? Answer: Dead.**

**TOBIAS POV….**

I hold Tris for I don't know how long. All night, I think, but I can't tell inside this hospital. There are no windows, but there is a clock that I look to every now and then, maybe it's right. And I don't sleep. She does though, and I'm so glad when her breathing finally becomes steady. She can escape the pain for a few sparing minutes, finally. I hate to see her this way. It hurts me, physically, to see her this way.

After she woke up from her gunshot coma, she was alive. She was well. Yes, she was in pain, but she was strong and stubborn and so _Tris._ I've never seen her like this before, even after her Mother and Father died. She never has been one to wallow around in self pity. She always wanted to move forward, even when it was hard. But now, she's so broken. She wants to die, you can see it in her eyes.

_And I can't help her. And it's my fault._

I should have said no that night on the couch. I should have told her I wasn't ready, even if it would've been a lie. Then she wouldn't have gotten pregnant, and she wouldn't be like this now. It might've made us drift apart some, but at least she wouldn't be like this.

Earlier, when she told me she didn't want me to kiss her, it_ killed_ me inside. But I completely understood. She doesn't want me to kiss her because she doesn't want the kissing to lead to anything else, and the thought of intimacy scares her to death right now. I don't know if it will ever not scare her again. But I thought she trusted me more than that to know when to control myself. To do _that, now?_ I would never. I've never been the one that initiated the sex, I've always let it be her decision.

And now I'm not sure whether it's my job to help break down those walls or just let them be. Maybe I should just give her time to break them on her own._ I don't know anymore._ Before, during the war, I knew that I had to break them down so that we could be with each other and grow to know and love each other. But now, I don't know.

_ I don't know. I don't know._

_ I don't know._

…

They keep Tris at the hospital for a few days just to make sure the bleeding has stopped and to make sure she stays stable. I notice that they get more people in her room to check on her too, and that makes me feel just a little better about the situation as a whole.

I try to keep her mind busy, giving her crossword puzzles and board games to play with me. I take her out to walk the halls and sometimes we go to the cafeteria for lunch. And sometimes it works, and I'll coax a smile out of her. But when it fails, I hold her strongly in my arms on the cot in the hospital room, when she wants me to. She doesn't cry as much, but I find her staring off into space more and more these days, whether I'm trying to keep her busy or not.

I don't ask her if she's doing better, because I know that she's not. The pain that she felt is calcifying into more of a silent nightmare than a living pain. You can see it in her eyes.

Just as I'm starting to break, Christina starts to show up. She'll eat lunch with us or play monopoly with us on the floor of the hospital room. Tris still isn't completely herself, even around Christina, but she's more herself around her than she is me. That hurts too. But Christina is like a sister to her, and she's a girl, too. Maybe Christina will understand more of what Tris is going through so she can tell me, and that way maybe I can understand too.

…..

I inhale sharply through my nose as I wake up. It can't be later than two in the morning. Tris is beside me in the cot, my arms are wrapped around her waist. At times like these, I think I'm making progress and that she's healing on the_ inside,_ but when she fully awakes, she pushes me away again.

"Tobias?" I hear. It's a soft, quiet sound.

"Yes?" I say, preparing to get up if she wants me to move.

"I'm sorry," she says sleepily. She's not really awake, she's asleep, but she's still talking to me. Talking to me subconsciously, I guess.

"What are you sorry about? You have nothing to be sorry-"

"Yes I do," she says firmly, snuggling deeper into my chest. "I've been a real jerk towards you these past few days, and I hate myself for it. It just hurts. It hurts so badly, Tobias." Her eyebrows knit together. "And I'm scared. And I'm frustrated. And I'm mad. But I'm all of these things at the same time, and I don't know how I can put it into words. So I just push you away because it's easier. Easier for _me,_ not you. I'm sorry. I love… you. You know that," she says. I wait for more words to come until I realize that she's drifted off into deeper sleep again. For a moment I believe that she'll be like that again when she wakes up. That she'll be her. But I know that for her to consciously be herself around me will take a long, long time.

But this is what I needed. It helps, for now, at least. It'll help until she wakes up, and I'll just have to hold onto this hope that she will once again become the person that I just talked to.

I try to go to sleep again, but I can't. When I look up at the clock on the wall and it says four thirty, I go ahead and pull the covers from my body, being careful not to wake Tris. I slowly, carefully, quietly get a shower and let the warm water flow down my shaggy hair and soak the sleep from my skin. When I get out, I dry off and pick up a gray shirt from a pile of clothes I bothered to wash a couple days ago.

I can't seem to make myself smile anymore. I feel like I'm missing a part of myself that I'm not supposed to find, but my eyes are dry. The only place that I cry anymore is on the inside.

I fight with myself internally for a minute before I decide to leave the room for a minute. I don't know why, but I want to go outside. I want to see and feel the warm, dark of the morning, want to feel it on my skin, want to smell it in the air. Maybe it will make me smile.

I weave through the hospital until I make it to the entrance. I take a deep breath of the air and lean against the building, letting it prop me up. I look around at the emptiness. Yes, the lights are on inside, but there are only a few people coming back and forth. One person is sitting on the steps with their head in their hands, staring into nothing. Her tall, slender frame reminds me of… Wait, wait.

"Christina?" I whisper, walking over.

Her head swivels around and her eyebrows raise. "Oh, Tobias." She yawns and shakes her head. "What are you doing out here?"

"I couldn't sleep. What about you?"

"I come out here all the time," she mutters nonchalantly. "This time is my favorite time of day. And it kinda clears your mind, too, or maybe it's just me." She shrugs, and I sit down by her.

"You don't get a lot of sleep either…" I say, more as a statement than a question.

"Nope." She pauses for a long time. "How can I? And it's obvious that you're up because you're worried about her, too." She rubs her hand over her face. "When is she going home, anyway?"

"She's actually supposed to go out today."

"Yeah?" She seems to perk up some. "That's good."

"You know I'll need your help, right? Like, every day. You'll come over, won't you?"

"Of course," she says, taking a deep breath. "I don't worry about her as much as you do normally, but right now I am. Maybe I can get her a nice, calming job. I quit my other one, so maybe we can go looking together to find one."

"You quit, huh? I haven't been to my job since Tris was admitted here. I'll probably get fired. I don't care. I hate that job so much," I say, resting my head in my hands. "I told Tris that it would all get better, but, honestly, I don't know how it will." I let out a dark chuckle, but nothing's funny.

Christina waits a long moment to answer. "I don't know how it will, but I know it will," she says, resting a hand on my shoulders. "Have faith, Tobias." She stands up and walks up the steps to the entrance. "And be brave." With that the automatic sliding doors open and she's gone, but her words still ring in my ears.

_ "Have faith, Tobias. And be brave."_

I stand up, forcing myself to picture better times with Tris and me, and after a while of myself picturing them, I begin to have a fragile hope that they will happen. Eventually.

I walk to my room slowly and find Christina perched on the edge of Tris' bed, chattering like she usually does. In her hands is a dark cup of coffee, and Tris holds a tall glass of orange juice. There is a muted smile on her lips. Although I can still see the hollow sadness in her eyes, it doesn't seem to swallow her completely I open the door Tris looks at me, and for once her expression doesn't fade. Christina snaps her head in my direction.

"I bought us all some breakfast, skinny. Now sit down, and if you don't eat it I'm stuffing it down your throat. You too, toothpick," she points in mock- violence to Tris, who just shakes her head and sips her orange juice, the muted smile not growing, but not disappearing either.

**It's not all going to be all uphill from here, but it's going to start getting a little better. Happy reading!**

**~Beff Monster**


	14. Chapter 14

**I DO NOT OWN DIVERGENT.**

**Kind of a harder chapter to write. It's a bit slow, but I tried to still make it not so bad. This one shows how Tobias is dealing with everything... and struggling just like Tris is. **

**TOBIAS POV…..**

Christina and I stroll her out late in the afternoon, out into the sunny day. It's actually an abnormally happy day, and I can't help but think this is the perfect time for her to be released. Since we don't have a car, we have to wheel her all the way home and then take the wheelchair back. Great.

We get a good half mile before Tris starts to get antsy. Times like these makes me wish that I had chosen a home closer to the city.

"Can't I just walk?" she complains. "It's not like I have any broken bones or anything, I'm just a little sore."

"I'm just following orders," I say. "If they find out that I'm not listening to them, they'll kill me."

"Since when did you start following orders?" she asks me, one eyebrow raised.

I force a small chuckle. "Since the orders involved you."

"Oh, stop it," she says, exasperated. Then she suddenly stands up out of the wheelchair without warning, and I almost run over her.

"Tris-"

She gives me a look that reminds me of old, spontaneous Tris, with her lips pinched together and one hand on her hip.

I sigh deeply, blowing a long strand of hair away from my face. "Alright. Be careful," I say, a small, tired smile forming on my lips.

"Okay," she says, shaking her head at me.

I would be lying if I said that it wasn't a little awkward between me and Tris nowadays. It's obvious that she doesn't want me to touch her, and I want to respect her wishes, but I really do miss having an arm around her shoulders when we walk or kissing her on the cheek. Small things, yes, but things that make my heart ache when I can't do them. Christina and Tris seem to have enough to talk about at the moment, though, and I'm content to just walk the wheelchair and think while they talk beside me.

_ What scares me the most, though, is the thought that we'll never be the same again._

….

It turns out that the walk was a little much for Tris, actually. When we get home, she doesn't complain, doesn't show any sign of discomfort or anything, but she's out like a light in five minutes on the couch. I just smile and Christina vouches to stay with her while I go take the wheelchair back. Luckily, the train is passing by, so I just fold up the wheelchair and jump in a car. As the wind blows through my hair, I can't help but remember the moments Tris and I have had together while riding trains. I can almost see her hair waving in the wind next to me, her serious face on, a hand on her hip. And in another instant I can see her standing next to me, with longer hair bound in a ponytail and an infant perched in the crook of her arm. She smiles and turns to me.

I gasp, my hand covering my face. I cover my eyes with my hands so I can stop seeing it._ This has to stop._ I move away from the door of the car and slide down to the floor, trying to calm my breathing, but it doesn't work. The adrenaline rushes through my veins, and I can hear my heartbeat in my ears.

_ I have to get off this train,_ I think, frantically, standing up quickly. She's still there, a worried look in her eyes. I curse. I grab the wheelchair and fling myself out of the car, falling on my side when I finally hit the ground. I curse again. I didn't break anything, but I'm sure there will be a bruise and I'll be sore for a while. _That's fine. I can handle this kind of pain._

I stand up with a wince, looking around to get my bearings. A few deep breaths. I'm close to Erudite headquarters, or what used to be Erudite headquarters. Not too far from the hospital, I can walk.

I get to the hospital and quietly turn in the wheelchair. The lady at the desk politely thanks me with a smile and I manage a nod and say thank you as well.

I go to sit outside the hospital entrance on the steps with my head in my hands. My hands are shaking violently. I resolve to buy some chamomile tea or something on the way back home to calm my nerves down a bit.

It's just as I'm beginning to calm down some that I feel a gentle tap on my shoulder. I look up warily to see a freckle- faced redhead staring down at me, a worried expression on his face.

"Anthony?"

"Tobias, it's you," he says, sitting down beside me. "I was beginning to think you died or something. Where have you been?"

I pause for a second, then take a deep breath. Do I really have to explain myself to someone else?

"Wait, you are okay, right? Like, you don't have cancer or something, do you?"

"No, I'm fine," I say, my head still in my hands. "My girlfriend, Tris. You remember her- she…" _Don't cry don't cry don't cry._ "She had a miscarriage." I manage to lift my head to look him in the eyes.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry," he says, his eyes awfully sad. "I-I had no idea." He lays a hand on my arm. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"No…" I pause. "Well, she's actually home right now, they just released her today," I say, my expression lightening some. "I just came back to return the wheelchair, s'all." Another pause. "And she's a lot better now, a lot better than she was." _Physically, at least._

"Well, that's good," he says, his eyes still sad. "But how are you?"

"I'm fine," I say, lying. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, there are like, holes all over your shirt," he says, gesturing to my side. "And your arm is bleeding. And you look, I don't know…. _dead._ On the inside."

"I fell out of a train," I say, shrugging. "And the dead look… I can't really help that," I say, managing a bitter laugh.

"_Fell_ out of a train?" He chuckles. "Don't Dauntless jump in and out of trains on a regular basis?"

"Yeah, but… It's complicated," I say, my head going back into my palms. "My head's messing with me lately. Hallucinations and depression. I thought I saw something in the train car, and I freaked out, so I jumped. I- I'm not that graceful."

He curses quietly. "Tobias, I'm so sorry. I know it has to be hard." He stands. "Here, why don't I walk you home. It'll give you something to keep your mind off of everything."

I stand beside him. "That would be nice," I say. "You're such a gentleman, walking a fragile girl like me home." I manage to be sarcastic for a moment.

"Oh, shut up," he says jokingly. "You're supposed to be the fruity one."

I actually laugh. I don't know how, but in that moment, I think Anthony and I become more than just co- workers. He felt bad for me, and brought me out of my pain. I don't know. I think we've actually become friends.

…

"So," I say, walking in a grassy field just inside the fence, "How's work going?"

He snorts. "I have no idea. I got fired."

"What?" I say. "Fired? How did you get fired? You did everything perfectly."

"Well, _apparently_ I wasn't _productive enough,_" he says, motioning with his arms dramatically. "So, I got fired." He laughs. "I wish you could've been there, I flipped everyone off. And I gave one guy a bloody nose." He crosses his arms and keeps chuckling.

"I'm probably gonna quit when I do go back," I say, sighing. "And I may do the exact same thing you did. There's no point in working there without a friend. Ugh, the big guy there. I can't _stand_ him."

"I don't think many people can. Except the suck- ups."

I grunt. I can see my house now. When we get closer, Anthony raises his eyebrows.

"So this is it, huh?"

I nod.

"Nice place. I can just turn around now, then, since you're here." He begins to wave goodbye.

"Oh no you don't. The least I owe you is a cup of tea or something, and the extra company is fine. But I do warn you, there are two girls in there already, so be careful."

"What? Two? I thought you just had one."

"Tris' best friend is here too," I say as I open the door. "Don't worry, she's nice enough. Even if she is from Candor." I snort. "Just try to be quiet. Tris might be asleep."

I open the door quietly to find Tris still asleep on the couch, curled up in a ball. Christina is in the kitchen, making tea. I take my shoes off and so does Anthony, and I wave to Christina. She looks back at me with an eyebrow raised, but otherwise waves back.

Christina doesn't seem to dislike Anthony, so that's a good start. And I understand, he can be a little abrasive like her, sometimes, and two people that are the same like that tend to lock horns. But he doesn't stay for long, just long enough to drink the cup of tea that I promised him, and then he leaves. The door shuts with a quiet 'click.'

"So, who's that?" Christina says nearly as soon as the door shuts.

"He's the only person I got along with at my construction job," I say, snorting. I take a sip of my mug of tea. "My friend, I think." I shrug.

To my surprise, Christina gives me a little laugh and shakes her head.

"What?" I say, smiling slightly.

"I just think it's good that you found someone to talk to." I open my mouth to protest. _"Other than me,"_ she says. "And he's a guy. He'll see things more from your perspective. You needed this." She takes a long draw on a cup of coffee and pokes me in the shoulder. "This is good."

I smile and shrug, the tea warming my stomach and calming my nerves. "I think so, too."

"Hey," she says suddenly, pointing to my middle. "What happened to your shirt?"

I place my head in my hands again, although this time it's not out of sadness. It's out of exasperation. _Here we go again._

**Not sure if Anthony will show up a lot later in the story, but he's kind of someone for Tobias to lean on, just like Christina is for Tris. I think I mentally place Anthony in Candor, too. XD**

**~Beff Monster**


	15. Chapter 15

**OWN DIVERGENT I DO NOT, FELLOW CITIZENS. **

**Okay, so this is kind of a short one, but it really ties up a lot of feelings that Tris and Tobias are feeling and fighting with right now. **

**TRIS POV…**

I'm coping, or trying to the best way I know how, at least. I go through the motions day- to- day. Just going through the motions is hard enough as it is. Waking up without crying. Most of the time I fail at that part. Eating the breakfast that Tobias usually makes. Then, sometimes Christina comes over in the afternoons after she gets off work. And to fill the empty spaces in my day, I clean or read or lie in Tobias' embrace.

I know it's hard for him. It has to be. But I don't have the energy or the want to explain myself to him, because he has to know. He has to be going through something at least close to what I am. I think he hides it to try to be strong for me. But I'm tired of him being strong. I want him to tell me that he's losing his mind too and that it's not just me, and some days he doesn't know if he wants to live anymore because our life that was supposed to happen will never be.

And it doesn't help that I can't stand to have Tobias lay a finger on me nowadays. I can hardly stand for him to hold me at night, but that's only because I force myself to let him. Because I know that he needs that miniscule amount of physical contact that I can give him. And it's not that I don't trust him, that's not it at all. I just know that if I kiss him or let him wrap his arm around my waist push a lock of hair from my eyes I'm going to think of that child that never was, and, honestly, I'll feel guilty for moving on. I'm supposed to never get past this, I'm supposed to remember.

_ But this honestly hurts me as much as it does him._

One night, as I'm lying in Tobias' arms, he coaxes me awake.

"Tris?" He says, poking me gently on the shoulder. I turn to face him, a forced smile on my face.

"What is it?" I say, yawing.

He gets this greedy, lustful smile on his face and in his eyes, one that I've never seen on him before. It reminds me, perversely, of Marcus and the twisted, disgusting smile that he got on his face whenever he got an idea.

"Tobias?" I say, my breathing coming faster.

"Kiss me." He forces his lips onto mine, and although I'm resisting, he's stronger than me and pulls my shoulders closer to his body.

"Tobias?! What are you doing?!" I practically yell at him, but he isn't listening. He's pinning me down, forcing his body on top of mine….

"Stop it! Get off of me!" I yell, kicking the covers off of the bed and throwing my limbs around violently, glad when they find soft flesh to hit. "Don't touch me! leave me alone!"

Two strong arms finally manage to restrain my body, and I curse. Not again.

"Tris!" He yells, shaking me. "Tris, wake up!"

My eyes fly open and my fist connects to soft skin and I regret what I've done as soon as I've done it.

"Tris?!" He says as his hand flies to the jaw that I just hit. He stands up out of the bed. "Are you okay?"

Thank God he's not mad at me for hitting him. I can't believe I just did that._ I can't believe I just did that. Why did I do that?_

That's when the shaking begins.

"Hey…" Tobias says, crawling back into the bed with me. "Hey, what happened?" He frowns for a minute. "You want me to hold you?"

I nod my head slowly, and he gently wraps one arm around my back and one under my calves and sits me into his lap. The dark, quiet outside our windows falls like a led blanket over me. I still can't stop shaking, though, even with his steady heartbeat drumming in my ears and a warm arm wrapped around my back.

He doesn't speak for a long time, and when he does, his voice comes out in a pained whisper. I can't tell why he sounds that way, whether it's from my pain or his.

"Tris…" he sniffs. "What just happened?" I can hear him grating his teeth.

I open my mouth, but the words don't come. I look up to him, and that's when the tears start. His deep, dark blue eyes look down at mine with such worry, such disregard for his own pain and such regard for mine.

"I… I dreamed.." I sniff.

"Tris, do you trust me?" He says, lifting my chin up so I'm forced to look at him. His eyes are both worried and rock- hard at the same time.

"I… of course," I say, not backing away.

"Then… trust me. You can tell me anything."

I look away from him. "Don't get mad."

"Okay."

"I dreamed that…." I force the words out. "That you were raping me."

Tobias' arm muscles instantly tighten around me. When he speaks next, he doesn't sound mad, only hurt.

"Tris, you know I would never do that."

"I know," I say. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know why I'm doing this."

"I think I do," he says, pulling me away from him enough to look me in the eye. "You haven't let me so much as touch you since you came home, Tris. And I know you're more scared of intimacy than ever, now, I understand that. But I," he sniffs, "I honestly don't think you trust me anymore. I think you're mad at me. Mad at me for making you pregnant in the first place."

"That's not true!" I say, shaking my head violently at him. "I do trust you, and I love you, and I _am not_ mad at you!" I slump back into his arms. "I just feel like, if I let our life move on together as a couple, and if I let you touch me and kiss me and be like we were before, then I'll somehow forget. I'm afraid I'll forget about the baby. And I can't forget, Tobias."

Tobias shakes his head at me, but he seems relieved. "Why are you afraid that you'll forget? There's no possible way of that happening. That baby was part of you, Tris. _Part of you._" He places a tentative hand on my lower abdomen. "And you won't forget it, you couldn't forget it if you wanted to. And do you really think that the baby would want us to be like this, even if you could forget?" He says when he pulls me back, tears forming in his eyes. "No. It would want us to be happy. And I don't know if _you_ want to be happy or not, but _I_ do. _I_ want to be happy with _you._ And that doesn't mean that I want to have sex with you. I don't have to have sex with you ever again. It just means that I want to be able to act relaxed around you. I want to be myself around you. Put my arm around your shoulders, kiss you on the forehead." He pauses, wipes the tears out from underneath his eyes. "I just want to be able to love you freely."

I open my mouth, but close it shut in a moment. He's right. What am I so scared of? I want my baby so badly, but I have Tobias, and I don't want to push him away. I need him as much as he needs me. We need each other. And even if we may never be intimate again, I can at least let him love me. It... takes too much energy to push him away. I wrap my arms around his neck, and he's shocked for a moment before he begins to hug me back.

"I'm so sorry. I… I'm selfish. I wasn't thinking about you."

He gives me a tentative smile. "Does this mean I can stop asking permission to hold hands with you and stuff?"

"I…" I grab a fistful of his blue shirt. "I guess so."

He chuckles and lays a hand on the side of my face. "Thank you. Thank you so much."

I sigh, the first real smile in ages creeping onto my lips. Maybe we… can actually be happy again, I think. I bite my lip for a minute, thinking. I feel my eyebrows scrunch together. Then I make up my mind, and lean in slowly to Tobias' lips. His eyebrows raise a moment before he begins to kiss me back, but when he does, he kisses me back just as slowly and tentatively as I do him. I feel every crevice of his lips, every valley and every hill of the soft, pink, fleshy skin.

As I do this, I fight with myself for a minute, unsure. The thought of forgetting is still fresh on my mind, and it still scares me to death. _"And do you really think that the baby would want us to be like this, even if you could forget? No. It would want us to be happy."_

So I take a deep breath and press my mouth more firmly to his, grabbing a fistful of the collar on his shirt in each of my fists. _This is the first kiss we've had in ages._

And right now, in this moment, even though I know that it may not last and that it will probably be snatched up from me sooner or later…. I decide to be happy. For myself. And if not for myself, for my baby, and for Tobias.

_For my family._

**Time for a clean slate? Read and see. **


	16. Chapter 16

**I DO NOT OWN DIVERGENT.**

**This one's really slow, but it kinda shows how Tobias is becoming a better person, healing wounds. It's building up, don't worry!**

**TOBIAS POV….**

Ever since Tris and I had that talk, things have been much more bearable. Yes, sometimes I still feel the gaping wound in my chest from loss and I feel so angry at myself and the world, and I want to cry my eyes out for hours. Sometimes I do. But now, instead of doing it alone, Tris is there for me. Sometimes she cries with me and we share the pain. Sometimes she comforts me. And when she breaks down, I comfort her, too. We return each others' love.

And I've come to the conclusion that this is what love is, at least in my mind: Love is being strong for someone, someone that you love. And when you can't be strong, they're strong for you. And not strong in violent way. Strong in the way a mother holds a child when they cry. A loving, caring, and patient strong.

_ This is how I love Tris._

Life would be perfect enough now, if only we didn't have to get jobs. And the only reason we haven't been forced to get jobs yet is because Christina is helping us so so much. She brings us groceries and gives us money. And I honestly believe that she's a true friend. And, to my surprise, Anthony has showed up a few times as well. And although he can't offer us as much help in the form of food and money, he offers so much in giving us support. Tris seems to like him, too, she said he was a kind person. Although I don't see the guy as a saint, I do respect him for all that he's done for us.

But today he can't help me.

I groan as soon as I wake up, Tris nestled underneath my right arm. She stirs.

"What is it, Tobias?" She mutters, then yawns.

"I have to go to the construction place and tell them I quit today. I've been putting it off for days, but I really need to just go and get it over with." I run a hand through my hair.

She thinks for a moment. "Well, it's not like they can do anything to you. You're quitting anyway."

"I know," I say. "It's just that _those guys,_ you know? They're all idiots with hammers and hardhats, and I just don't know how well it will go over with them. They might get mad."

Tris snorts and grins at me. "Oh, so now the great Tobias is scared of a few_ idiots with hammers_, is he? I remember, not too long ago, when he believed he could do anything." She strokes her imaginary beard.

"Hey, I _still_ believe I can do anything," I say, cracking a grin. "I think I've just mellowed out a little bit down from being a headstrong Dauntless leader," I say, chuckling.

"You're not fooling anybody," she says, lowering an eyebrow and raising the other. "You're just as bad now as you were back then, mister."

_"Oh, alright."_ I roll my eyes sarcastically, a whisper of a grin on my face. I throw the covers off my body in one deft movement and throw my feet over the side of the bed, setting them down on the soft blue carpet. "Anyway, I need to get it over with, and I don't intend to waste another moment worrying about it."

"Okay," she says nonchalantly. "But it's like eight in the morning, so I'm going back to sleep." She rolls over onto her right side when I stand up. "Be back soon, okay?" She mumbles sleepily. "It's cold in the bed without you."

"I will be," I mutter softly before giving her a whisper light kiss on the forehead. She smiles sleepily and yawns again.

After I get out of the shower, I dress myself in a loose black shirt and some jeans. I quietly make my way out the door, and through the great expanse of dry, grassy straw to the fence, and then past another great expanse of dry land, until I finally make it to the construction site. Normally, the walk doesn't feel this long.

When I get to the construction site, I feel the same fierce stab of anger for all of the people here. They all stare at me, like usual, and I just sigh and rub my fingers through my hair._ I don't know why they do it. It's not like I'm famous, and if they still think of me as Four, they're completely wrong._

When I come up to the manager, it seems, of the construction site, he sets down his pen and clipboard and stares at me. He gets this look on his face, and Four inside me squirms. That part of me can't stand people like him. He's the same one that hired me.

I'm the first to talk. "Hello, sir, I came to talk to you about my job position," I say formally.

"There's nothing to worry about," he says. "You're fired anyway. Why did you even bother to show up in the first place?"

"I understand that sir, but I just wanted to explain to you the reason I haven't been here."

"I don't want to listen to your excuses," he says, snorting at me. "There isn't an excuse in the world that I would accept. I don't want to hear it."

_ What a narrow minded scum._ I can feel my eye twitching, and I want to punch him so badly. But I have to be better than Four.

"I don't care if you don't want to hear it, I feel like I should tell you the reason because I'm trying to be professional. And it is completely acceptable." He raises his hand but I plow through his gesture. "_It's because_ my girlfriend had a miscarriage and she was hospitalized for nearly a week, and, frankly, I think that she's much more important than this stupid job anyway." He looks at me with a shocked expression, and I keep mine hard and deliberate. "And about this job, by the way, I can't stand the way you and the rest of your staff looks at me. Like I'm some piece of scum. And I think it has to do with me being a former Dauntless. You said you were going to fire me anyway? That's fine. Because I came here to quit."

I begin to walk away without him dismissing me. As I'm walking back through the construction site, like usual, I can feel eyes boring holes into the fabric of my shirt. I'm fed up.

"What?!" I say, making a few staring eyes jump. "Why do you keep staring at me?!" I snort and shoot a rude gesture at all the people who are looking at me, and I feel a few eyes melt away from my skin. "Take a picture, it'll last longer."

I walk out of the construction site without another word.

…..

It's about noon when I get back home, and by that time I've almost cussed and sweat all the anger out of me.

I open the door quietly. I don't see anybody inside. Tris must still be asleep. I take my shoes off quietly and walk down the hallway to our room. I see her still sleeping and I smile. She's so at ease here. I feel the little square box in my pocket with my left hand and chew on the idea for a minute. She wouldn't want me to propose in a really showy, romantic way. Tris just isn't that kind of person. Should I do it now? I pat the little box for a few minutes before I see Tris turn towards me. Her eyes are still sleepy, but open up slowly when she sees me.

"What are you doing?" she asks sleepily, running a hand through her messy hair.

"Nothing," I mutter to her with a kind smile on my face.

"Well, come here then," she says, holding her arms out for me.

I smile and walk over to the bed. Tris is cold. I wrap my arms around her smaller frame and she presses her palms up against my chest.

"So, how did the quitting go?" she asks, her nose buried under my jaw.

"Well, he was upset and I got upset at him for being a complete jerk, but nobody got punched, so I guess it went well," I say, shrugging.

She gives me a quiet laugh. "Good," she says. "To tell you the truth, I was afraid something like that was going to happen."

"I'm telling you, I'm not as violent as I was."

"Oh, I know you're not, Tobias. I was just joking with you earlier this morning. You know that, right?" She raises her eyebrows at me.

"I'm glad you were," I say, a relieved smile crinkling my eyes.

"No, you're my teddybear," she says, kissing my neck.

"I guess that's a step up from being an obnoxious jerk," I say, chuckling.

She chuckles again and I pull her more closely to me and she snuggles deeper into my arms. I want to propose to this woman that I love so dearly. She's my best friend. I'd die for her. But instead of proposing now, I just sigh into her downy yellow hair and close my eyes, glad for the soft warmth of her figure next to mine, glad for her smell to be mingling with mine.

_Not now, but soon._

**Uggh I really hope you guys didn't hate this one XP. I fought with myself for a while over whether he should completely beat the guy up or sorta be the bigger man, you know? I think I made the right decision, but the other option makes for a more entertaining chapter. **

**Well, tell me what you think!**

**~Beff Monster**


	17. Chapter 17

**I DO NOT OWN DIVERGENT.**

**Woo! Another chapter. This is probably the last chapter I'm going to be posting for a day or two, so expect the gap. (You know I've got to party it up for New Years!) So enjoy and read it up guys!**

**TRIS POV…**

I wake up one day to a knock on the door. Tobias has already left, he's gone looking for a job. I stumble out of bed and run to the door, surprised. I open the door with a quiet creak and peep outside, wary of who might be here.

"Christina?" I say, raising an eyebrow at her. "It's seven thirty, what are you doing at my house?"

"I got you a job," she says, unfazed by my dampened mood.

"You got me a job?" I mimick at her, except my tone doesn't have all the peppiness that hers did.

"Yeah!" she says, coming on inside. "The Amity orchard was hiring some people to pick the fruit and stuff, and I got fired from my other job, so I though I'd sign us both up!" she says, smiling. "And it's only part- time, so I thought you'd enjoy it." She sees my expression. "Don't look at me like that, Tris, it's a _job!_ And I told Tobias about the open job yesterday, anyway, so he won't be surprised._ We had a talk._" She laughs a little to herself and I frown, puzzled.

"Talked about what?"

She giggles again. "Nothing. Just work- related stuff."

"Christina…" She knows I don't like secrets being kept from me.

She just brushes me off. "And it starts at nine, so I suggest you get a shower," she says, gesturing to Tobias' shirt and the pair of sleep pants that I'm wearing.

I sigh and give Christina a small, sleepy smile and a shake of my head. She did get me a job after all. "Well… thank you, Christina. For the _job."_ I wave my hands around in the air un- enthusiastically. "Just come on in and make some breakfast, lay on the couch… do whatever, just stay so I don't have to go there by myself."

"I was planning on that anyway," she says, patting me on the head. "You're not much of a morning person, are you sweetie?"

"Oh, shut up," I say, just enough teasing in my voice to let her know I'm kidding. Then I close the door to the bathroom sharply and strip my body of the clothes that smell of me, Tobias, and sleep. I take a steaming hot shower. I sigh, hot water running over my soft yellow hair. _Christina really is a good friend, she's always looking out for me. Even if she has to come to my house at seven in the morning._

When I get out of the shower I dress in a black tank top and a pair of jeans. If I'm going to get a tan, I'm not getting a farmer's tan. Even if it's only late spring, the sun can burn my fair skin quickly.

Christina makes some eggs and toast for breakfast, and we eat in the kitchen at the coffee table.

"I didn't know you could cook this well!" I say in shock, shoveling the eggs she made down my throat.

"I've never had a chance to show you!" she says, laughing. She cuts her sentence off quickly, though,I guess because that brings back some days from before my miscarriage. "And anyway, Mom always said I could make a mean breakfast. She used to say I could cook better than her." She chuckles quietly, taking a bite, "And that's saying something, because you remember how well my Mom can cook."

"I do," I say, sighing deeply. I still fondly remember that amazing fish that her mother made when we visited her apartment. "That was amazing."

….

Christina walks with me to the Amity compound, which isn't that far away from where Tobias and I live, honestly.

We get there and I Christina manages to find someone to lead us in the right direction- a manager I suppose- with dark skin and a slight smile on her face, like she enjoys every moment of working here. I can't help but think of her as Amity as soon as I see her face, that's just how her features seem to me. But, then again, I still tend to categorize people into imaginary factions, no matter how much I don't want to. She has a clipboard perched in her fingers as she flips through the pages of.. what? Employment? The names that were put down? I don't have the slightest idea. But she tells me and Christina that we're needed a ways down to help harvest the carrots.

Christina and I work side by side all day long, pulling rows and rows and rows and rows of carrots, until my fingernails are stained an unattractive orange- and- green, and smell like dirt and carrots.

Christina seems a lot more adept for the job than I do. I'm small, short, and wiry, and although my muscles are toned, I just don't seem to have a green thumb. But Christina seems to have a firm grip and level of experience that I obviously don't. She whistles quietly as she works on her knees, able to reach the carrots more easily that way. The only thing that seemed to throw her back for a few minutes was her height, and now she's got that covered, too.

"Christina," I say, wiping my brow, "You've done this before, haven't you?"

She looks up at me from her position on her knees and shakes her head at me. "Not once in my life." She gives me a small smile and shrugs her shoulders. "I guess I'm just good with plants, s'all."

I grunt and frown. "That's not fair."

She gives me a toothy grin. "Don't worry, you'll get used to it in no time, toothpick." She pokes my side. She then begins to show me a much more effective trick to pulling the carrots without breaking any of the foliage on top, which I have certainly done plenty of today. But after that, I seem to start getting the rhythm of things.

They let us off of work at three. By the time I've finished, I'm exhausted. I can practically feel the layer of grime and sweat blanketing my shoulders and arms. Christina seems exhausted too, though. But she keeps a satisfied smile on her face as we walk home, proud of her work.

I can see why it's only a part time job. They've already hired so many people to work there, and even though it's a tough job and it takes a lot of people to do it, hiring everyone full time would just be too much, especially when fewer plants come into season.

….

Christina stays for a while after we get home. She makes some sandwiches and afterwards we watch some cheesy sitcom on the television that almost never gets used. Just when the sky starts to turn orange- red with the impending sunset, Tobias walks in the door, closing it quietly behind him with the mail in his hand. There is a wide smile on his face.

"So," I say expectantly. "Job?"

"Job!" he says, throwing his hands in the air. "City maintenance, apparently. Basically all I'm doing is planting trees and cutting grass and just keeping everything in check." He takes a deep breath, plopping down on our soft blue carpet in front of the couch that Christina and I are sitting on. "So, how did your first day at work go?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

I give him an airy laugh. "I'm exhausted."

He smiles warmly at me. "I thought you might be. Christina and I talked it over, but we both thought you were pretty strong and healthy and completely capable of picking veggies, so I approved." He shrugs.

I give him an exasperated smile and smile at him. "I'm completely capable." Another thought suddenly comes to my mind. "Hey, what were you and Christina talking about the other day?" I ask, my eyebrows raised.

"Just your job," he says plainly, his eyes not wavering when I stare into them. And although I trust him, I still have the aching suspicion that he and Christina are keeping something from me, something big. But I just frown and blow a stray lock of hair away from my face.

_ "Whatever you say,"_ I sigh at him and roll my eyes, but I don't get mad. Whatever it is, it isn't life threatening, at least I hope, and I'm sure he'll tell me eventually. He'd better.

…

Christina soon leaves Tobias and I alone with each other, and we just sit and I doze against his chest for a while on the couch while he watches the T.V. program that's running right now. Apparently, he likes cartoons.

Tobias has this habit of drinking a cup of tea right before he goes to bed every night, he says it calms him down. So I soon follow him into the kitchen to check the mail while he boils a cup of water on the stove.

"Bill, bills, magazine," I say, sifting absentmindedly through the mail and junk mail that we get on a regular basis. I frown slightly when I see a small, white envelope at the bottom of the pile. I'd almost missed it. I hold the envelope in my hands for a minute… It's a letter, it seems, and it's addressed to Tobias. I tap Tobias on the shoulder and he frowns when I give the envelope to him, but I just shrug._ No clue._

Tobias props himself against the counter as he rips the envelope open, taking the simple letter out of it's casing. I watch his eyes scan the letter quickly before a strange emotion comes over his face. I'm not sure if I've ever seen this look on his face before… pain, deep thought, and maybe a hint of relief followed by a nervous scowl. He looks at me and I start to get seriously worried.

"Tobias?" I say, my eyebrows furrowed together in a deep scowl.

"It… it's from my mother."

**Okay, so it's still not as action- packed as some of the others, but I'm getting there. Slowly, but I'm getting there. And although there isn't too much happening here, there is a little mystery. What are Tobias and Christina trying to keep secret from Tris? And what in the world does Tobias' mom want from him? **

**These next few chapters are going to be rough on me XD. **

**~Beff Monster**


	18. Chapter 18

**EYE DO NAUGHT ON DIVERGENT. (see what I did there XD)**

**Here's the next chapter everybody! Had a great time during New years and I hope you did too! **

**So this is like a bridging chapter. The next will be more... meaty? Is that the word? More important, I guess. **

**Unfortunately, school starts back Monday, so it'll probably take me a bit longer to get each chapter to you, but don't worry, they're still coming!**

**TOBIAS POV….**

Dear Tobias,

I hope this message finds you in good health, wherever you are nowadays. As for me, I'm doing well enough, although work is as hard as it always is. I still work here at the top of the old Erudite building, but I mainly just handle city nuisances. The small stuff, you know.

There isn't really anything going on at the time, and I was wondering… hoping, that you could come up here and visit me. I see you every now and then just going about your day to day life, and I want to say hi to you, but I don't know how you would take it, or if it's even my place to do so.

But I would love so much to see you, Tobias, for you to tell me how your life is coming along. I do care, and I hope you know that. And although it's still hard for you to talk to me, I know, I would still like to keep piecing our relationship together. And if we can't piece it together, we could at least stitch it the best way possible.

But always, if you don't want to come, I completely understand.

Love always,

Evelyn

I go to bed that night with that letter on my mind every second. Tris worries about me for a while, but I assure her that I'm fine, and soon she goes to sleep in my arms. I am fine though, really. I'm just nervous about all of the things that Evelyn will talk to me about. She'll want to know about my life, and I'll have to tell her. I'll have to tell her about everything. The new house, the…. miscarriage. The fact that I want to propose to Tris. And I _have_ to go see her, I can't refuse. We have made up, after all, and, I don't know… maybe I'll actually enjoy talking to her.

I hold Tris' small body closer to mine and nuzzle my nose in her warm hair. Okay, so I can handle that, I can handle having to talk to Evelyn by myself, but not Tris. She can hardly handle talking to _me_ about everything that's happened in the past few months. I don't know how well she'll handle talking to Evelyn about it. And I'm probably going to end up talking to Evelyn about the proposal, so she just can't come. She wasn't invited anyway, and maybe she'll catch that.

_We'll have to see._

The next morning I'm up early, but so is Tris. She has to work today, and her and Christina always go to work together.

"Hey, Tris?" I say, shaving in the bathroom while she makes a simple breakfast.

"Hmm?"

"Are you okay with this whole... me going to see Evelyn and all? I mean, I know she was never nice to you, so you probably don't like her, and I understand that-"

To my surprise, I hear a small laugh come from her.

"What?" I say, a small smile creeping upon my face as well.

"Tobias, she's your mom. Your _mom._ Why would I be upset about you going to see her?"

I pause for a moment, considering. A relieved laugh then shakes my shoulders as well.

"Okay then, it's settled."

….

I pace around in the living room for a while after Christina comes and leaves to walk to work with Tris. I'm a little nervous about meeting Evelyn, but really I'm just trying to figure out what to say to her. I mean, what do you say in situations like this?

_ "Hi Evelyn, how have you been? I know I haven't showed any interest in you for the past-"_

No.

_ "Evelyn, I missed you so much and I'm glad that we can spend time together finally…."_

Eew, way too mushy for my taste. I'm supposed to seem like the self- supporting man who can handle himself. Maybe not _stiff,_ but not groveling by any means.

_ "Hi, Evelyn. How are you doing?"_

I stop pacing over the soft blue carpet and plop down on the couch, letting the soft material brush over my skin. I rest my head on the back of it and sigh, letting out a deep breath. I mean, she's the one that invited me, so she'll be doing most of the talking. I'm sure she's thought about this much more than I have, anyway. I wouldn't be surprised if she wrote down a list of objectives for her to hit in conversation while we're talking.

I stand up suddenly, running a hand through my hair._ I need to stop worrying about this and just go. Maybe it won't be so bad. I mean, we have made up after all, right? Right. It's not like I'm going to go to talk to Marcus, it's just Evelyn._

_ It's just Evelyn._

With that I smooth down the front of my black shirt and walk out the door.

….

The old Erudite building looks completely the same on the outside: stiff, metallic…_ full of bad memories…_ But I sigh and try to tell myself that this place is different and that nothing bad is going on in here anymore.

I walk through the building's sliding doors at what still seems to be the same- same big room, lined with shelves and shelves upon shelves of books. But now, rather than this place seeming to be a library, it looks more like a record keeping room. There is a lady at the front desk with silver, curly hair and glasses perched on the bridge on her nose. She's typing something on a bulky computer in front of her face. When I tell her my name and why I'm here her eyes widen with shock and she directs me straight to Evelyn's office. I politely thank her with a nod and go towards the elevator, feeling her eyes drilling holes in the back of my shirt the whole time.

_People._

The empty, quiet music lulls in my eardrums as I feel the steady incline of the elevator. Up, up, up…. I stare at my shoes as the box rises to the floor that Evelyn's on. I can feel the beginnings of nervousness in my chest and hands, and I stick them in my pockets as the elevator button dings and I walk out.

It's so quiet up here. Hard linoleum tiles echo underneath my shoes.

_"Kla- clop, Kla- clop, Kla- clop"_

I reach the door that the front desk lady said was Evelyn's room. Number 700. I look through the slit window of the door from the outside, stalling myself from having to go in right now. The room looks exactly the same as the one she used to have, way back when. In all honestly, it looks more like a meeting room though, that's what I've always thought. Deep red carpet, a wide window on the far side of the room, overlooking the city. A small, hardwood desk. A long table over to the side that could easily seat fifteen people, I guess used for meetings. And Evelyn is right there at the head of it, her face buried in a stack of papers, her right hand scribbling something quickly and messily. Her eyebrows wear an expression that I so often do, furrowed down close together, and she's deeply focused so she doesn't notice me staring at her, sizing up her small shoulders and dark, curly hair that comes down past her shoulders.

I sigh, my shoulders slumping as I brace my back against the wall beside the door.

_ Do I really have to do this? I mean, she did say that I didn't have to come, and I could just take the elevator and walk right back…_

I groan quietly. _Tobias, be a man._

I stand off to the side of the door and rap my knuckles on the deep, dark wooden door, then wait a few seconds for her to come to the door. I hear the lock click and the handle presses down momentarily as the door opens from the inside, away from me. I stand there with a nervous hand in my hair as Evelyn's tall, lanky frame greets me. She looks at me for a long moment, her wide, dark blue eyes showing a very intense expression. Nervous, greatly surprised, but happy and anxious.

She stands there for a long while, just sizing me up, maybe making sure I'm real, before she suddenly wraps her arms around my shoulders and it takes me a second to hug her back.

"E-Evelyn?" I say, wondering what might make her act this way towards me.

"I didn't think you would ever come. But I'm very glad that you did." She pauses, her expression nearly tearful as I walk in the room. "So, what have you been up to?"

**~Beff Monster**


	19. Chapter 19

**I DO NOT OWN DIVERGENT.**

**Please tell me that you don't hate the way the chapters are progressing. Urggh. And I know you have to be getting as tired of Tobias POV's as I am. I'm gonna to try to fix that kinda. The next chapter after this one will be of Tris, so yeah. **

**Also, reviews! I love them. **

**TOBIAS POV….**

I quickly take a seat at the long, dark- stained wooden table, a good few chairs from the stack of papers that Evelyn was working on. Evelyn sits across from me and places her hands in her lap, her stiff posture somehow at ease right now. She looks at me a moment, just studying me, studying the dark circles underneath my eyes before she speaks.

"I'm glad you came," she says. She seems to have overcome her tears for the moment.

"I am too," I say, offering her a tentative smile. "I mean.. I didn't see any reason not to come. And Tris was okay with it, so-"

"Tris," she says nodding her head. "So you're still with her, then."

"I am," I say, nodding.

Evelyn rubs her forehead with hand. "I completely forgot about her. If I had remembered, I would've invited her, too. I meant to apologize to her a long time ago." She sighs and closes her eyes briefly.

I frown. I don't have any idea what she said, but I'm not sure I want to know about that. Evelyn and my relationship is fragile enough already. I don't want to strain it.

"Well, she seemed fine about it this morning. I think she's actually over it."

Evelyn looks up at me and a small smile comes over her face. "I… that's good. I'm glad she found it in herself to forgive me."

I shrug a little and try a tentative smile.

"So how is she? Like how is your life together going?" she asks with a completely innocent look on her face.

I curse in my mind. _Here we go._

My mouth is instantly dry. I open my mouth, trying to find the right words.

"There have been some… ups and downs," I say. "But we're trying to move forward." I look up at her and see her worried expressions.

"Have you guys been fighting lately?" she asks, her eyebrows brought close together.

"No, no, no," I say shaking my hands. "That's not it at all. We hardly ever fight."

"Oh... Then do you mind me asking, or...?"

I shake my head at her quickly. "It's just that.." I press the words out of my mouth with sheer force of will. "Tris was pregnant. With our child. And there were some issues, and there was blood and pain she had a miscarriage. She was in an emotional coma for weeks, and she wouldn't even let me touch her for the longest time. She's still really torn up about it." I don't look up at Evelyn. "But she's slowly getting better and that's what I mean by.. moving forward." The last couple of words that come out of my mouth are barely a whisper. An eardrum shattering silence follows them.

"Tobias… I'm so sorry," she says, her mouth open. "I can't imagine."

I sniff, now fighting the tears that have been dry for weeks. I clamp down my jaw muscles and manage to look at her, my eyes red and glossy but not tearful yet. "I can't imagine what it was like for her."

Evelyn nods, her eyes closing in understanding for a while. "You never will. You just have to be strong for her and try to." Her posture now seems a little forced, and she adjusts her hair for a minute to compose herself before talking again. "But, other than that. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," I say. "We're actually really happy, and.. I want to propose to her soon. I have the ring and everything."

Evelyn smiles at me with her closed- mouth smile. "I'm happy for you guys. How do you plan on doing it, though? Proposing, I mean."

"I.. I honestly have no idea. I know not to do it in a big crowd, she wouldn't like that. Just maybe me and her together would be right."

"Hmm.. maybe you're right," she says, tapping her nails on the table and looking away from me, into space. "But every girl enjoys to be wooed." I snort at that word. _Wooed._ "I'm just saying to think about different scenarios. She might actually enjoy something romantic in public. But then again, you know her better than I do." She crosses her arms and chuckles.

"I certainly do," I say, chuckling at a different pitch than her. "But.. maybe you're right. I'll think about it."

…

Just as I'm standing up to leave, I look over and see Evelyn wringing her hands nervously. I look at her and raise my eyebrows.

"Um, Tobias?" she says. "Can I come over to your house sometime in the future?"

I smile and feel my eyes crinkle a little bit. "Uh… sure. Tris isn't home yet." I look at my watch. "Why don't you come over right now?"

…

Evelyn and I walk through the grassy before the fence in a comfortable quiet. I see a blue bird perched on the top of the rusted steel bars and smile, wondering how something so contrite could be so beautiful. But then again, I might just be in a good mood.

After a half a mile or so past the fence, Evelyn starts to talk.

"You lie a good ways out here, don't you?" she asks, looking at the dusty, dry grass that we pass.

"Mmhmm," I say, nodding. "I know the walk isn't very convenient, but the view is beautiful out here, isn't it? And anyway, it's the only house that seemed to… I don't know._ Fit."_

Evelyn nods and smiles at me. "I'm excited to see it."

I stick my hands in my pockets. I start whistling quietly to myself and Evelyn gives me a raised eyebrow.

"What has she done to you?" she says, a toothy grin on her face.

"Who?"

"Tris. It's like you're a completely new person. You're so happy now."

I give her a quiet laugh. "She makes me happy." I shrug. " And now that the war's over, I finally get to be even a remotely happy person." I pause. "I'm not happy all the time, of course," I say, my eyebrows coming together. "I'm just abnormally happy _today."_

"You think that's because of me?"

I tilt my head and shrug for a minute. I didn't think about that. "Maybe."

…..

"I _love_ your house," Evelyn says, nursing a cup of tea I made her. "Especially the attic. It's gorgeous up there."

"Tris likes it a lot up there, too," I say, smiling shyly. "Sometimes I come home and find her napping on the window bed."

Evelyn smiles nervously "So when is she getting home?" she says. She must still be nervous about the way Tris perceives her, even though I assured her that Tris is fine._ Or seems to be, at least._

"She should be home any mo-" I say as I see the front door open. "ment." I look up as Tris' slight form walk in, taking her shoes off at the door. "She's here."

"Hey Tobias I'm ho-" her sentence cuts off as she sees Evelyn sitting in her chair. "Oh, Mrs. Eaton. You're here." She rubs her downy blonde voice awkwardly as her voice goes from relaxed to formal in a matter of moments. I wonder if Evelyn noticed. _Hope not._

"Hi, Tris," Evelyn says, a smile crinkling her eyes. _I wonder if it's forced._

Tris walks over to us and makes herself a cup of tea. "So, what brings you here, Mrs. Eaton?" she says, leaning her back against the counter. Her expression isn't serious._ Actually, it seems like she's trying hard to keep it neutral._

"I just thought it was unfair that I got to talk to Tobias and not you," she says, shrugging. "And it seems like we have much to say to each other." Her expression gets serious for a moment. "Look, I know I was terrible to you during the war, and I said some awful things to you that probably made you hate me. I know you may never like me, but I just wanted to apologize. For everything."

Tris face goes slack, her eyebrows bunch together in a saddened scowl. "Mrs. Eaton, I-"

"Evelyn."

"Evelyn," she says, adjusting her hair. _It seems a lot of girls do this in awkward situations._ "Yeah, you did say a lot of mean things to me, a lot that hurt me and brought me down, but.. I don't know. I've been thinking about it quite a lot lately but I think maybe it was a good thing you said them."

"What?"

Tris laughs quietly, looking at Evelyn finally. "It made me want to prove you wrong." She looks away, remembering. "Like, for instance, when you told me that one time… something like..

_ "My dear girl. I am his family. I am permanent. You are only temporary."_

Tris looks down at her cup of tea as I sit with my mouth open, but only slightly. "It really pissed me off." She laughs airily, almost bitterly. "But I knew I could prove you wrong. And I did." She looks up at Evelyn and shrugs, the smile on her face not bitter. It's actually pretty at peace, and I admire that.

Evelyn closes her eyes for a moment and nods, a small, knowing smile on her lips. "I guess you did."

"Honestly, Evelyn, I've let so many things go that this is nothing." She waves her hand dismissively. "I forgave you for that a long time ago." She sighs with an airy smile on her lips. "But is that the only reason you came here? To apologize to me?"

"No. Of course not. I just wanted to talk to you and Tobias in general. I wanted to know how everything was going." She pauses. "Although that was a big part of it."

"Well," Tris says, taking a seat beside me at the table, "It's going well…" _I wonder if she's dreading the coming sentences._ Her jaw seems to tighten slightly. "There have been a few ups and downs, but that's expected, right?"

"That's almost exactly what Tobias said," Evelyn says, a smile on her lips that looks a little concerned, but maybe that's just in my head. I wrap my arm around Tris' middle, wanting to comfort her as much as I can. She takes a deep breath before speaking.

"I'm sure Tobias told you about the miscarriage, right?" She stares at the tea cup placed on the table in front of her and bites her lip.

A long pause. "Yes." A slighter pause. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay."_ No it's not. She's lying. But I'm sure that's the best thing she knows how to say, Tris never has dealt well with pity. She takes another deep breath._ "But I've come to terms with that, too." Her eyes seem hollow._ Can we please talk about something else?_

"I heard that you got a new job," Evelyn says, trying frantically to change the subject. "Tobias told me all about how you and Christina got a new job together, but that didn't surprise me."

"Yeah, I did. We both got one at the Amity compound, picking fruits and stuff," Tris says, taking a sip of her tea. She tries a tentative smile. "But I'm not nearly as good at it as Christina is." She looks at her hands. "It's like Christina's hands are more built for the job than mine are, you know?"

"I've never been good at farming, either," Evelyn says, giving Tris a dismissive hand. "But Tobias was an excellent farmer."

"What?" Tris says, looking at me. "You never told me about that."

"I don't really_ like_ talking about it," I say, smiling awkwardly.

….

Evelyn leaves a few hours later after many long and awful stories about my particularly hilarious childhood. After a while I just give up and place my head in my hands, and Tris can't stop laughing. Especially after a specially embarrassing bath story that I keep hidden in the caverns of my mind. And by that time I'm ready for bed, and so is Tris. She tells me they had an exceptionally awful day at work today, showing off her new muscles to me, then blushing when I show her mine.

When she gets in bed, I follow after her like I always do, patiently waiting while she snuggles herself into my arms. She seems to be almost asleep before I gather the courage to speak to her.

"So, what do you think about Evelyn?"

"Well," she says, albeit a little groggily. "She's… less awful than she used to be."

I chuckle. "I thought that, too. Maybe she's done some soul searching?"

"I think that… and the fact that she realized what a jerk she'd become."

"Yeah.. but you handled her really well. You surprised me."

"I surprised _myself,"_ she says, sighing against my chest. "I'm just glad I didn't cry in front of her."

"Yeah.." I pause, stroking her hair for a moment. "I'm proud of you, Tris." She smiles sleepily at me and gives me a long, slow kiss. I love the way her lips fill next to mine. An idea suddenly comes to my mind. "Hey, would you like to go on a date tomorrow? Like a picnic, outside in the grass, underneath the open sky...?"

"I don't have to work, so why not? That would be nice." _Some alone time._ "But can Christina come too? I promised her we'd go out sometime." _Dadgum._

"Sure," I say, stifling the sigh that tries to force it's way out of my lips. "Just the three of us."

Tris smiles and kisses my cheek once more. "Thank you for being here for me."

"I… always," I sigh and smile, kissing the top of her head as she drifts off to sleep.

***relieved sigh* Okay, so we are officially at the lowest action point in the story insofar (I think). So, expect for it to go up from here onward!**

**Pray for me, school starts Monday XC**

**~Beff Monster**


	20. Chapter 20

**I DON'T OWN DIVERGENT.**

**Definitely my favorite chapter in a long time. Hehehehe. **

**It seems that I also don't have school tomorrow, either, because of some nasty icy weather conditions. Woo! And if it's rainy where you are like it is here, this chapter fits just right! Enjoy!**

**TRIS POV….**

I toss and turn in the bed for a solid hour before I decide to just go ahead and get up, careful not to disturb Tobias. It's not like I had bad dreams or anything, I just need to get up, to stretch my legs and arms, which, by the way, are still a little sore from all the fruit harvesting I've been doing lately.

I quietly pad my way to the kitchen in the pre- dawn darkness and stand in front of the sink, parting the kitchen blinds. I frown when I see that the weather is rainy- at best. The wind blows great drifts of rain at an angle outside, making the grass shudder in it's wake.

Personally, I've always loved the rain- it calms me, gives me time to think. But Tobias said that today he wanted to go on a picnic with me. I don't think he'll be mad, but then again, he may insist that we go anyway and get wet and sick in the process. I shrug and shake my head, tousling my light mustard- blonde hair.

…..

Tobias appears in the kitchen earlier than usual, his dark hair sticking out in random places all over his head. He rubs his face sleepily and sits down at the coffee table.

"Why are you up so early?" I say.

"You weren't there, that's all," he says, shrugging. I frown.

"Oh Tobias, I'm sorry. Do you want me to go lay back down with you so you can go back to slee-"

"Oh no, it's fine really," he says, stretching his arms over his head and smiling tiredly at me. "I'd rather be in here with you."

I snort at him sarcastically and roll my eyes. I change the subject soon. "You know it's raining, right?"

"Really?" He says, peering out the kitchen window with one eye open, rubbing the other. He shrugs. "It shouldn't be that bad honestly, we can just go to the park and sit under that big lima bean or something so we won't get so wet."

I ponder that for a moment. "You have the answer for everything, don't you?"

"That I do, 'm lady." He chuckles. "That, and I really want to go out with you."

I smile. "But… what about Christina, though?"

"If she wants to come that's fine." He shrugs, a neutral smile still on his face. "And I know her, she won't want to miss out."

And it's true, in a few hours after coffee and eggs I call Christina from the couch.

"So, do you want to come with me and Tobias to a picnic today? I know it's a little short notice and it's raining, but-"

"Pssh, a little rain won't stop me, girl. What do you want me to bring though?"

"Um.. Just yourself, I guess. Tobias is insisting on making the whole thing himself, I'm not even allowed to go into the kitchen today." I sigh. "I have no idea what he's making, or if he's poisoning it, for that matter."

I hear Tobias laugh at the same time Christina does.

"Alrighty then. See you in a bit."

…

Christina comes thundering in through the door, her simple shirt drenched in rain despite her umbrella. I laugh at her from the couch. She just sticks out her tongue at me with a sarcastic sneer and plops down on the couch beside me. She proceeds to wring out her wet hair on my lap.

"Hey!"

"You'll get wet soon enough anyway, stiffy," she says, laughing at me. "That lima bean doesn't keep all the rain off you now, does it?"

"Yeah, I guess-" I pause. "Hey, how did you know we were going to the park, anyway? I just told you that we were going on a picnic." I look at her suspiciously.

She rubs her hand on the back of her neck quickly. "Well, um, where else would you go? It's raining cats and dogs out there. 'S not like you can just have a picnic out in the open today."_ Well, someone's hiding something._ I raise an eyebrow at her but she just makes her mouth a zipper and zips it up, then throwing away the imaginary key. I huff but she just laughs at me and pats me on the back, chuckling.

…..

"So Tobias, what are you making for this fine evening?" I say, trying to peek around his shoulders, but he keeps shifting so I can't see.

"It's a surprise."

"I hate you."

"I love you too!" He says as he keeps stirring something over the stove.

I sigh and shake my head, genuinely starting to get ill at _whatever_ he and Christina are planning.

…

Tobias sets out with me and Christina and a steaming bag of whatever- he- cooked. By now I'm just going with it, I'm not even worried about what whatever they're planning will be. It's not bad, so I'm fine with it. I guess.

The train's rolling by, so we all jump on it like the Dauntless taught us to and I sigh when I see the beautiful- wet scenery going by. Tobias rests his arm around my shoulders and I can't help thinking that things can't be any better than this._ My life is perfect. Family. Friends. A home. What more could I ask for?_ I kiss him slowly and passionately on the lips and when Christina chuckles over to my side I smile at her cheekily.

"You want a little kissy- kissy too, honey?" I say, puckering up my lips dramatically and closing my eyes.

She waves a finger at me and smiles, resting a hand on her hip. "Only in your wildest dreams, sugar," And all three of us end up laughing so hard it hurts. Well, maybe not Tobias. He looks a little confused.

…

When we get to the park we all run over to the metal lima bean. The rain hasn't slowed down. If anything, it's picked up some. But there's just enough room under the overhang for three people. I sit in the middle while Tobias sits over to my left and Christina to my right.

We just sit there in collective silence for a few minutes, just admiring the outline of the city, from the small coffee shops to the huge skyscrapers like the old Erudite building. I close my eyes for a minute before I feel Tobias' strong, warm, tempered muscles of his arm wrap around my waist and pull me towards him. He whispers in my ear.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Just… how perfect this is," I mumble, my eyes opening.

He chuckles softly and I can feel it in his chest. "It is… But don't you want to eat, too?"

I look up at him. "Oh yeah.. I completely forgot."

It turns out that Tobias was slaving over the stove for spaghetti._ Spaghetti._ Christina laughs when he pulls several trays of food out of the bag.

"Hey," he says with a good- natured chuckle. "You should know that I only know how to cook eggs! And you are both lucky that this isn't burned." He points a finger at us both, then laughs. "But I do think it turned out pretty good, if I do say so myself." He straightens up his invisible tie.

When all three of the plates are passed around I take a moment to say grace, then take a tentative bite. Christina seems to do the same, measuring the flavor on her tongue just like I am.

I give Tobias a warm smile and Christina gives him a thumbs- up.

"Well done," I say with a nod and Tobias' cheeks flush slightly. And he's right. He really can't cook anything to save his life, bless his heart, except eggs and the occasional sandwich. But he really did outdo himself today. "Thank you." I give him a warm kiss on the lips. "For the date, for the food. For everything that you've done today."

"What?" He raises an eyebrow at me. "You're acting like the day's over."

"It's not?"

"Nope." He smiles and takes a bite of his own spaghetti. "But we'll finish eating first." I hear Christina giggle over to my right. "It's even better that the rain's picked up some," he says, more to himself than me.

There was just enough on my plate to fill me up, but not enough to make me feel sluggish and tired. I'm glad that Tobias took that into consideration, or at least seemed to. After we all finish eating, we pile our dishes back into the bag that it came in and talk. We talk about anything, but mostly random and crazy stuff. Even a few old Dauntless tales of our initiation, way back when. But still, we're careful to steer clear of the touchy topics. Even Christina makes sure of that.

After a while, after the conversation has died down, Tobias pokes my shoulder. The look on his face is one I haven't seen in a while. A little nervous, slightly apprehensive. But strong and alive. _Happy._

"Um… Tris?" He asks me, looking down.

"Yeah?"

"Would you… dance with me?" He points out to the great expanse of field and concrete in front of us, and I laugh.

"Seriously?"

He shrinks a little. "Yeah. Dancing in the rain is pretty romantic, you know?"

"And where did you hear that statement from?" I laugh and accept his offer. I mean, how could I say _no?_ He's obviously planned this, and it really does seem like fun. He lifts me to my feet easily.

"Eh.. A magazine somewhere, I think," he says dismissively.

I close my eyes and smile as I feel the raindrops hit my face and skin, soon to soak straight through my clothes. We get a good ways away before I stop.

"Oh, wait," I say, frowning. "What about Christina?"

"Um.." He looks back at her.

"You guys just have some fun, okay?" She says, although I doubt she heard me over the pounding of the rain on the ground. Maybe she read my lips. "I'll just watch you!" She waves and I smile at her relaxed sitting posture, so unlike Evelyn's. I nod to her as Tobias' hand takes mine and his other wraps around my waist and my other hand goes to his chest.

I sigh and rest my head against his chest, listening to his steady breathing and the rhythm of his heart- it's actually pretty fast right now.

"You know I'm an awful dancer, right?" I say, looking up at him and the raindrop falling off of his nose.

"I know. But I am too." He pauses, and I can hear the smile in his voice when he speaks next. "Today's been perfect, hasn't it?"

"Definately." I run one of my hands through his hair that's now drenched in water. Mine is, too.

"Do you think it could get any better?" He asks me, and my hand that is resting over his heart can feel his pulse increase.

"Hmmm…" I look away for a minute, pondering. "Probably not," I say and smile.

I see his adam's apple bob as he gulps. "I hope it can."

I raise my eyebrows as he releases his grasp on my body, stepping away from me. _What're you doing?_

"I hope it can," he says as he slowly lowers himself down to one knee, reaching in his left jeans pocket to take out a small, black box. I can see his hands shaking as he does it.

I stand there a moment before my hand instinctively reaches up to cover my mouth to try to muffle the choking sob that comes out of it. _I- I never expected. I didn't know. I.. I had no idea. But it's perfect. And it's right. And it's sweet. It's so him._

"Tris?" His shaky voice says as the rain pours around both of us. He opens the box. "Will… will you marry me?"

I can't even speak. I open my mouth and the tears come, so I just nod. I nod again and again and he lets out a deep, relieved breath and stands up, wrapping his arms around me tightly. I let him slide the beautifully cut ring around my left hand, around the ring finger. On the inside, engraved in small, delicate letters, reads:

_ "I'm brave when I'm with you."_

I kiss him. And he kisses me. And I don't count the minutes that I'm engulfed in him.

**Just a tip, but remember about the eggs that Tobias makes in the future. It'll be a few chapters, but just remember. They're quite relevant XD**

**~Beff Monster**


	21. Chapter 21

**I DON'T OWN DIVERGENT.**

**Another chapter, everybody! Just a little momentum- building going on here ;) **

**TRIS POV…**

I sway in Tobias' arms for I don't know how long, the rain drenching my hair and my shirt. But it doesn't matter, the late spring rain is warm on my skin. I cry, but you can't tell in the rain, maybe except for the fact that my cheeks are red. Anyway, the tears are happy. But Tobias still seems to be a little worried about me.

"Are you alright Tris? I mean, you're all… emotional." His eyebrows are scrunched together in worry.

I shake my head. "I'm fine, I just… I just didn't expect it."

He sighs, relieved. "I- I was just thinking.. wondering, if it was too soon, you know." _After the miscarriage, he means._

I shake my head. "No. I.. It's okay. It still hurts but I'm okay."

He nods at me silently, with a relieved look on his face.

"No, what was bothering me was the way you and Christina were acting about all of this," I say, changing the subject.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I know Christina and I were acting kind of weird." He smiles down at me sympathetically.

I look over and see Christina videoing us from underneath the lima bean."Ah, I get it. So this is why you didn't mind Christina coming. So she could videotape us."

"Well, I _was_ actually a little skeptical about her coming at first," he says, shrugging. "But then, while you were sleeping, I called her and told her, and she started freaking out like she does. You know how she gets." He chuckles. "But she insisted on videotaping everything so she could show it at our wedding. So, of course, I had to agree. Or else."

I smile a little at him. _Our wedding._ This still scares me on the inside, deep down. Marriage is a big thing, although it is basically like we're already married. We live together, we sleep in the same bed. But I don't know, a piece of paper can make such a difference. I don't worry about that now, though. I can't, or I'd ruin this amazing moment. So I just kiss him, reaching up on my tiptoes. After we pull away from each other I turn towards Christina and flash my ring at her, at the camera she's holding. She smiles and pumps her fist in the air like all the Dauntless used to, and I laugh at her.

Tobias looks at me with a wide smile on his face. "Let's go home."

"Oka-" I squeak as Tobias picks me up, bridal- style. I look at him, surprised, before he gives me a long, deep kiss, full of passion. I can feel him smile through it. I smile too. I'm _happy,_ honestly. I just can't help the conflicting emotions deep in my soul as our lips meet.

_ Why does he want to marry me? I mean, I understand.. but?_

_ What if he wants a family? I just… If that's what he wants, I can't. I can't._

…

Christina talks about how excited she is and how happy she feels that she could be part of our engagement moment all the way home. The rain still hasn't stopped, but it has let up some. And I'm soaked anyway, so we just walk and watch the train's graffiti pass us by.

I'm trying to not be too quiet, but Tobias still seems to sense that something's up with me. He doesn't say anything, just rests an arm around my shoulders and listens to us talk, mainly.

"You'll have to be my bridesmaid, you know," I say, poking Christina on the shoulder.

"Would be my honor, madam," she says, bowing slightly.

Christina walks right back to her house after dropping us off, saying that me and Tobias can now have some "alone time" together. I just smile and roll my eyes at her and she laughs, but I can't help the train of thoughts that floods my mind starting with that phrase.

_ I know Tobias. I love him, and I'm so happy that we're going to get married, but why is he marrying me? I mean, is it just because he loves me and wants to be with me? It could be something as simple as that, maybe. Or is he doing this in hopes of sleeping with me again? Of having children? I don't know. I wish I could take these walls down, because they're worrying me to death, and I feel bad for not trusting Tobias. I should trust him. I should trust him with all my heart. I do trust him. I mean, I always have at the other times in my life, at much more dangerous times in my life._

_ So….. why is this new, more unstable fear creeping up on me, trying to take me over?_

**Just a little insight on Tris. Tell me what you think X)**

**~Beff Monster**


	22. Chapter 22

**I DO NOT OWN DIVERGENT.**

**Okay, so a pretty short chapter. I think I'd consider it as a pivotal chapter though, yeah. Kind of sums up some of Tris' feelings. But she has so many of them that they're hard to contain XD. **

**Oh, by the way, I just read The Fault in Our Stars (Completely off topic) And I think that obsessed is the best word to describe what I'm feeling. OH MY GOSH. ANYWAY... **

**TOBIAS POV…**

"Tobias?"

"Hmm..?" I was almost asleep here, in our bed. Her head is nestled underneath my chin, like it always is, with both my arms around her small body. Even though Christina though that we were going to… you know, I wasn't worried about it. I honestly don't care. I mean, I would love to make love to her again, but I also love to just hold her in my arms, protecting her. I think I like doing this even more than having sex. I have her, that's all that matters. I was a little bit worried about Tris earlier, though. She seemed a little bothered by something, but I couldn't figure out what it was. So I just hugged her shoulders and smiled, hoping that the fault wasn't me.

"Why did you propose to me?" she says, her voice sleepy.

"Because I want to marry you," I say. I hear her mumble an _obviously_ underneath my chin and I chuckle. "Okay, I proposed to you because I want to be with you. Because I want to do this right. I mean, I've always felt kind of bad about us being together and not being married. Actually, I was going to propose to you the day that you started bleeding." I can hear my voice getting softer, and Tris takes her nose out from underneath my chin and looks at me worriedly. Kinda sadly. "Yeah, but now I have, and we can be _more_ together." I smile for a minute before I see her worried, hard- as- steel expression. My eyebrows come together in a scowl. "You still want to be with me, right?" I hear my voice hitch in worry.

She shakes her head and my heartbeat increases. "No, no, that's not it." I exhale deeply. I see her blush a little, even in the darkness. "I'm just scared that, now that we're going to get married," she pauses. "I'm afraid that you're using this… I don't know, as an excuse. An excuse to have sex with me, to have children." She sounds hurt in her voice.

Her comment punches me in the throat. "I… Tris."

"I'm sorry," she says, although her voice is unapologetic. I roll my eyes. "I just don't want you using me. I-if that's what you want, then-"

"Tris," I say, my voice low and hard. "I've never used you, and I don't plan on doing it in the future. W…" I choose my words carefully. "Why are you so scared?" I point a finger to my chest. "Are you scared of me, Tris?"

"No, of course not," she says as she breathes deeply. I can't decide whether she's lying or not. "You just know that I'm still scared of having children. I'm scared of another miscarriage." She looks me in the eyes. "I don't know if I ever won't be afraid." She pauses, seeming to choose her words carefully. "What I'm saying, is I just don't want you to push me into anything. A- and I know that you're physically stronger than me, so you could-"

I cut her off mid-sentence. "Don't you know I'm a gentleman, Tris?" I try a tentative smile at her, trying to lighten the mood some, even though I'm hurt. She looks away from me and I place my hands on her shoulders gently. "Let's make a deal, okay? If you ever want children, tell me. And if you don't want children but you want to… you know.. then we'll take the precautions like birth control or whatever. But, honey, I'm not going to force anything on you. I promise."

She looks at me and studying my eyes a minute before deciding that I'm telling the truth, and she immediately cuddles back underneath my chin.

"Thank you… for understanding." I can hear the tearful hitch in her voice. I smile and kiss her head slowly.

"No problem." I wait a moment before replying. "You know I love you, Tris?"

"I know."

I sigh and lay my head down on the pillow again, closing my eyes._ I know that she's still going through a lot, and I wish I could understand her. I really do. And I wish I could comfort her more than I do. Maybe I should talk to Christina about it? No, _I think._ Tris wouldn't appreciate me sharing her deepest fears with even her best friend. I guess… I don't know. I guess that all I can do is be here for her, just like in the beginning. She has to work through her fears herself,_ I realize._ I just hope that I can be a steady hand for comfort, someone she can talk to and trust to get her through this. That's why the thought of her not trusting me hurt me so much. I love her so much, so much more than myself, more than my life, and I would never, NEVER do anything like she was scared I would._ I sigh again and stroke her downy blonde hair._ I guess the rebuilding process will just take longer than I thought._

But I resolve, right here and now, to eventually make her trust me again.

**Tell me what you think! And for everyone that kind of wanted Tobias to be a little more 'manly', I tried to bring some of that in. Maybe unsuccessfully. But anyway, hope you enjoyed this chapter!**

**~Beff Monster**


	23. Chapter 23

**I DO NOT OWN DIVERGENT.**

**Hi everybody! I know it's been a while, but life has been... busy, lately. So just take my word when I say I'm trying to not make you guys wait too long for another chapter!**

**TRIS** **POV….**

"Wakie wakie," I hear Tobias whisper in my ear, leaning over the bed. It's early, probably not even past seven in the morning.

Oh, that's right. Today's the day.

After Tobias proposed to me, we pulled some strings and set up the wedding for September 21, which was a good several months away. So I got time to pick out my dress with Christina and get all the plans made and the theme and everything.

And today's the day.

You know, as a kid I never really thought about my wedding. I was just never worried about it. If it happened, when it happened, it would happen. And the scenery or the theme or the dress really didn't matter to me. And in Abnegation, all the women had small weddings, all alike. The extra things were just considered 'frivolous' or 'wasteful'. So, where other faction girls could worry about their fantasy wedding, we weren't allowed to. Maybe it wasn't okay with some of the other Abnegation girls, but it was fine by me.

"Good morning," I say sleepily, giving him a small smile. Suddenly I remember something and sit straight up, facing him eye- to- eye. "Wait. Aren't you supposed to be at Christina's?"

Christina and I worked this whole thing out. Tobias is going to Christina's apartment to change- apparently Christina's mom is going to help him dress all fancy and everything- while I stay here and Christina helps me with my makeup and hair and stuff.

"I'm on my way," he says, running a hand through his still- wet hair. "And you need to be getting up too, Fiance," he says as he grins at me. He's been using that word a lot for the past few months. I stick my tongue out at him, covering up my whole face with the covers.

"But you kept me up _all night_ last night," I say in mock annoyance. We stayed up until nearly four, watching old movies and cartoons and talking about what our life may be in a few years. But I had a lot of fun just talking to the one that I love, although I eventually fell asleep, my head rested against his shoulder. So he carried me to bed and laid me down, giving me a soft kiss on my forehead.

I hear Tobias chuckle and pull down the covers from my face, leaning in slowly for a kiss. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and he pulls me from laying down to sitting up, his lips still locked in mine. When we part, I look in his eyes. Dark, dark blue, with lighter flecks of blue scattered around the iris. I smile.

"How can I be even more in love with you?"

He finally releases me. "Hmmm…" He places a hand on his jawline. "You'll have to tell me that answer when you find it out. I'd like to know." He smiles warmly and walks out the door, saying 'see you again when you're my wife!'

Nearly as soon as Tobias leaves, Christina comes in- at least I'm up and in the kitchen when she gets here.

"WEDDING DAY!" she says as she bursts into the door. She has a large black duffel bag slung over her shoulder, I guess all her 'wedding supplies' are in there. I hope that she doesn't do that much to me though, urgh.

"Wedding day," I say, waving my hands all over the place like the little inflatable noodles that stand in front of car dealership.

"You don't sound very excited," she says, an amused look on her face.

"I'm excited, just really tired." I take a sip of the coffee that's perched in my fingers.

"Oh, so I take it you didn't get a lot of_ sleep last night,_ did you? Wink, wink." She walks over to the kitchen and sits in a chair in front of me.

I roll my eyes at Christina, a smirk on my lips. _"No,_ no sex. We just stayed up until like four watching Tom and Jerry and stuff. And it was very _nice."_ Christina gives me another smile and I sigh. "Christina, you know that Tobias and I haven't had sex since the miscarriage." My face is pretty serious. Christina's face sombers and she takes a deep breath.

"I… no, I didn't think about it like that," she says, her eyebrows furrowed together. "I'm sorry, you know I don't mean it like-"

"I know, I know," I say, a forced smile on my face. "But don't worry about it, today's a happy day." The last thing I want to worry about is my past. I want it to be a happy day. A happy day to remember. "WEDDING, remember?"

"Oh yeah, speaking of wedding," she says, resting her elbow on the table and her head in her hand, "You need to get a shower. We have a mere four hours to get you ready, sugar!" Her tone is playful. "So get naked! Bathe! Hurry!"

I just laugh at her and shimmy to the bathroom, trying to hurry like she so obviously wants me to.

_ Today is going to be a good day._

….

A shower, a shaving on every inch of my legs, breakfast, teeth- brushing, and three hours later, I'm sitting in a stool at our table, letting Christina trim up my hair. It has gotten quite long, actually, passing my shoulders, so Christina decided she would cut it. And I couldn't say no, obviously, because I did kind of give her consent to doll me up today.

She hands me a small mirror, letting me check out my new haircut. I didn't realize how shaggy it looked before, all split and shattered at the ends. But it really does look good.

I also allow Christina to put a solid ten pounds of makeup on my face, give or take a few. I do give her a few complaints during the application, but in the end she says that I look amazing. I look in the bathroom in our mirror and hardly recognize myself. But she's right, I do look nice. I hope Tobias will think I do, too.

"Oh no!" She says, placing a hand in her hair. "Um, we kind of need to get going, Tris," she says, gathering all of her belongings. And she's right- we don't have much more than twenty minutes before the the procession begins.

….

I walk outside. It's so beautifully striking out here, the wind blowing and the leaves scattering all over the place.

…

The wedding was beautiful. Tobias was so, so handsome. So _hot._ I don't know, there's just something about a man in a tux that turns me on, and Tobias is good- looking anyway. But he looked at me like I was on fire when I was walking up the aisle. He looked so shocked, so happy and yet so nervous. I internally thanked Christina for dressing me up like she did.

But when he said _I do,_ and I said _I do,_ he kissed me like I've never been kissed before. I looped my arms around his broad shoulders and lost track of time, wanting more when he pulled away. This kind of want scares me, and I know why; I'm afraid of what it will make me do.

**By the way, I'm also writing a 'The Fault in Our Stars' fanfiction, so that's also why this has taken a little longer than usual. So yeah, expect that soon! **

**~Beff Monster**


	24. Chapter 24

**No, no, no, I don't own Divergent. I promise C:**

**New chapter! Yeah, this is a really short one, but it's been my favorite to write in a while. Hopefully you'll enjoy reading it too!**

**TRIS POV…**

After the wedding and reception, and after everyone's left (yes, even Christina), Tobias picks me up and carries me home. It's really not that far away, maybe a hundred yards from where we set up our wedding to our home, but it's the thought that counts. He pulls the door closed and locks it, for some privacy, and sets me down on the floor gently. His hands around my hips, we just stare at each other for a long moment. There is a wispy smile on each of our faces, but I can feel the tension in the air._ He's waiting for me to make the first move._ Tobias really is a gentleman, honestly, and he's making sure that I'm comfortable with him right now. He's testing the waters.

I begin to feel my eyebrows furrow together, and I look at the blue carpet below us. I look nervous, I know, but all I can feel is the hunger growing in the pit of my stomach.

_My hunger for him._

Tobias sees me do this and misinterprets my movements. He takes his hands off my hips and places one in his hair. He's obviously feeling kind of awkward.

"Um, so… do you want me to make some tea or some-" But I interrupt his sentence with a long, slow kiss, sudden at first. His eyebrows shoot up before he manages to kiss me back, his hands tentatively finding their way back to my hips. I lean up on tiptoe to get a little closer to him, pressing his body against mine as I push him against the wall. I can tell that we're both smiling at the moment.

_ He's my husband. And we're married. And this is finally right._

We eventually do make it to our bedroom and I lay on top of him, but that's as far as we go, tangled up in each others' lips. Neither one of us makes any attempt to take off articles of clothing. Frankly, I'm not ready for that yet, and Tobias and I kind of have a silent mutual agreement with this kind of thing right now. His hands clutch tightly to my hips, but they don't try to pull my dress- my wedding dress- off. My hands clutch at his suit, directly over the top of his rippled muscles, but I don't advance any further than that.

I can't tell how long we kiss, but when we stop I am completely out of breath. We both pant deeply, our lips still lightly touching. I pull back just enough to look into his eyes. Deep, dark blue with specks of lighter blue around the iris. It's now my favorite color, one that I get lost in every time I see. I almost don't notice the wide smile on his lips, the small one on mine.

"I love you," he whispers, saying it both with his mouth and with his eyes. The words sound like velvet, his deep, dark voice soothing me all over again and turning me to jello.

I can feel the passion building once again in my body, burning in my chest and searching violently for a way out. I have a feeling that it's going to be a long time before we leave each other, lying here.

"I love you too." And this time it's he who leans up to kiss me, rolling me gently over on the bed so he's now on top of me. "I love you so much," I say, when I have enough air in my lungs to breathe.

_Right now, I'm glad that I'm alive._

**Just to clarify any confusion there might have been- they were just kissing, lol. It was very violent kissing, but still. **

**So tell me what you think! Don't be shy, peeps! **

**~Beff Monter**


	25. Chapter 25

**I DO NOT OWN DIVERGENT.**

**So it's a longer chapter. Honestly, I felt a little awkward writing this one. Somehow I feel like it's cheesy XD. I don't know. So tell me if you think it is cheesy! Please do. But if not, tell me you like it, or don't like it, or whatever. I hope you enjoy this one, though!**

**TRIS POV….**

Oh yes, honeymoon.

Tobias and I decided long ago that we didn't want to go anywhere during our honeymoon. Just being home is nice- no work, no responsibilities. A solid two weeks of nothing- just each other. It's as simple as that. Christina even gives us a few days to ourselves, although she doesn't give us the full amount.

These days are amazing. Eating breakfast at midnight, watching old scary movies. Going out for picnics on a plaid blanket, the fall leaves all around us as we eat sandwiches and lemonade. But we always eventually forget the sandwiches and end up tangled up in each others' arms, smiling and crinkling the leaves beneath us. No, we still haven't done anything other than kissing. But I can still feel my silent need for him growing- every day, even. And I can imagine that the same is happening for him, too.

This scares me. Obviously, it scares me. Why would it not scare me? But I want him_ so badly._ And I trust him, I really do, and I know that Tobias would never take advantage of me. He's waiting for when- if- I'm ever ready.

The bad thing about these two weeks is that we don't really go to town. Like, at all. So at the end of the first week, when the last thing that we have to cook is Ramen noodles, well, Tobias volunteers to go. Especially because he despises Ramen noodles. He says that they remind him of Abnegation food, the plain, wavy noodles molding together simplistically. The train runs by our house at noon, so he leaves me as soon as it runs by so he can get back as soon as possible. And I really don't want him to leave, but I need some time to think. An hour or two of quiet would be nice.

I make myself some tea and sit at the coffee table in the kitchen, the quiet of the house welcoming me. Every day for the past week, I've been holding in a few emotions. My fear, foremost. I've been holding that in the most, mainly because I want to be happy now and not worry about anything. Secondly, I've been restraining my passion. But that's mostly because I'm scared to let it loose. And Tobias is waiting for me to say what I want. But honestly, what I want scares me.

I want Tobias. I want to feel his skin beneath my fingertips, I want to run my hands through his hair. I want to kiss him and be tangled up in his skin with no regrets. And if kissing was all that I wanted, that would be fine and I wouldn't be so scared… but it's not.

I snap my head up from my now- cold cup of tea when the door creaks open.

"Whoa, it sure is quiet in here…" I hear Christina say as she walks in, taking her shoes off at the door. She pauses. "Tris? Where are you?" I guess she hasn't spotted me yet. "God, I hope I haven't walked in on anything…"

I laugh a little at her. "I'm in here, Christina." When she sees me she sighs, relieved.

"Oh hey!" She puts a hand in her hair awkwardly, walking towards me in a few long strides. "Hey.. where's Tobias?" she says as she sits down in front of me.

"We didn't have any more groceries and he _despises_ Ramen, so he went to get some stuff." I shrug at her. "I just stayed back and took some time to think."

Christina looks at me for a minute before replying. "You look… I don't know. Either you're just really deep in thought, you're stressed, or you're worried," she says, raising an eyebrow.

"I guess I'm a little of both."

"What's wrong? The honeymoon isn't going to well?" she asks me, worry lacing her words.

"No, no, that's not it." I smile quietly at her as I brush a lock of hair behind my ear. "It's going really well. Better than I thought it would go."

"So… what's the problem?" Her eyes grow wide. "Please don't tell me you're pregnant, Tris." She places her hands over her face.

I actually manage to laugh a real laugh at her this time. "No! Of course not. We still haven't…"

"Oh. Phew."

"But the problem is kind of… similar to that." I place my head on the table.

"He wants you to be pregnant?" I shake my head no. "You want to be pregnant?" Again, I shake my head. She pauses for a while, thinking. "Ah," she says, leaning back in her chair. "You want sex."

I nod my head slowly against the table.

"Well, I don't see the problem. You trust him, and although I know that you're scared I'm sure that it will be okay, Tris. And plus, you're married, so nothing's wrong with wanting it."

I raise my head and sigh. "I know. I'm just… scared. I still feel like I'm betraying my other baby."

A sad smile forms on Christina's lips. "I think I speak for us all, including your baby, when we say that we want you to be happy. Not in a forceful way, but in a way that… we want you to do what _you_ want to do. And _all of us_ support you. I know you may feel differently sometimes… But if this is what you want to do, then do it Tris."

"What if I get pregnant? I- I don't think I could handle that, Christina."

She shrugs and shakes her head. "I don't think Tobias would let that happen."

…

Christina leaves soon after Tobias gets back, slipping his shoes off at the door. She pats me on the shoulder. "See you two honeymooners later," she says as she clicks the door shut behind her. I smile at Tobias and shrug, and he returns my smile with a sunny one of his own.

_ This week has been the happiest I've seen him in ages._

I think that he's wanted this for a long time. For us to be married, I mean. For us to finally happy together. And I don't want to ruin his happiness. Our happiness.

"Hey," he says as he sets the groceries, slung across his arms, on the table and gives me a kiss. "I bought us a movie, too." He raises his eyebrows as he pulls out a simple VHS from a grocery sack. _P.S. I love you…_ I raise an eyebrow at him and he shrugs. "It _is_ kinda girly, isn't it?" He shrugs again. "And I don't have the slightest idea about it… but we'll see. If it's worth anything or not, I mean." He rubs the back of his head. _Seems… nervous._

I stand up and loop my arms around his shoulders. "You know that I would watch even the most awful, cheesiest movies in the world with you, Tobias," I say, a muted smile on my face as I look up to him. _Why am I not nervous?_

….

I've always loved the night time, so we wait until it's nice and dark outside until we watch the movie. I can hear the crickets chirping in the open green even inside our house at this time of night. It's very calming to listen to them while I'm sleeping, trying to forget about all of the awful memories of my past… somehow it seem like those days were millennia ago. But they weren't. They were only… what? Two years ago? But somehow I feel like a completely different person now than I was then. I'm still me, but I feel more free. I feel like I'm healing, the open, jagged wounds of my past healing into thick scabs, then fading into scars. But they'll never go away, I'm sure of that. It's just that Tobias is helping them heal.

We make a bowl of popcorn and plop down on our couch, immediately snuggling into each other. I rest my head on his shoulder and he loops an arm around my waist, staring blankly at the screen for a few minutes before kissing me on the head. I hear him sigh deeply.

"What's wrong, hun?" I ask, frowning.

"I'm.." he laughs. "I'm kind of nervous."

"What?" I laugh at him, incredulous.

"Being around you lately.. makes me feel like I'm on fire, you know. And I can't hold it in and I just…" he sighs again. "Nervous."

I wait a few minutes before responding to him, feeling my own nervousness in the pit of my stomach. The movie is actually quite good.

I raise my head from his shoulder and look him dead in the eye. "So you _do_ feel the same way that I do."

He raises his eyebrows but doesn't say anything else.

"Goodness, Tobias, if I knew that you were feeling this way then I wouldn't be trying so hard to keep it in." I place a hand on his cheek. "I want you more every day." My look is dead serious, maybe a little exasperated. but I'm relieved deep down.

I swear I see his jaw drop.

"If I knew that you felt that way then I wouldn't be trying so hard to keep mine in, Tris. I know that you're scared and I didn't want to pressure you into anything. You're still sensitive and everything, and I wanted it to be your decision-"

"God, just kiss me."

He does.

Tobias is here, his calloused hands brushing mine as he leads me to the bedroom. The smell of his skin pressed against mine, my hands in his hair like I've been wanting for days now. The way he talked, the way he acts now, he's been wanting this for as long as I have. I shouldn't've hid it from him, I should've talked to him about it. But right now, tangled up in his skin, I just now realize how much I missed this. How much I missed him.

_He's here. And he's mine. I'm his._

…

After, when jagged breaths fill the air, I rest my head against his chest and breathe deeply. My hair is plastered to my forehead, as is his, when I whisper through my lips.

"You have no idea how much I wanted you."

"You have no idea how much I still want you," he says, smiling at me. "Thank you for marrying me."

"Thank you for loving me." I kiss his bare chest and a sigh escapes his body. "Thank you so much."

**Hope you enjoyed this one!**

**~Beff Monster**


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